I come from a long line of Irish-Catholic skeptics. When I told my
sister I was attending the recent psychic fair at Between the Covers
books she replied, “You mean the psycho fair?” When I regaled
my husband with tales of seeing a certified Reiki Master that afternoon
he quipped, “After this is she going to “reiki” the lawn?” So you can
imagine my hesitation towards the world of the “healing arts.”
I hoped a visit with Clairvoyant Astrologer Eileen Lock would change
things. I’m the kind of person who wears black most of the time and
views Kafka as light summer reading. Without knowing this (or did
she?), Eileen agreed to give me a complimentary reading a week before
the fair. Eileen was affable yet straight-shooting, with a
non-hippie-dippy delivery that enabled me to listen to her with open
ears. But it didn’t stick. With 40 years of experience, Eileen comes
highly recommended. And I do believe many things she says have
validity, except when she told me to wear less black because black
means you are hiding something. I thought black was chic?
In these weeks since the fair, either from my “charming” Irish stubbornness or what I view as the endearing post-Gothic angst I cling to, I have had a hard time incorporating Eileen’s suggestions into my daily life…like accepting the concept of past lives, and how my fear of something, like water, comes from being drowned as a baby in another lifetime. Yeah, that could have happened, but what if I don’t possess the leap of faith to automatically believe it?
I left my first psychic reading with more questions than answers. And I do admit that I am inherently dubious, but can attest to the fact that the practitioners at the psychic fair, all donating their time for the event, seemed to arrive at their vocations from a pure place. One of the healers, a certified Qigong teacher and clairvoyant, was endlessly excited to share her beliefs. I have to admit that displays of spiritual enthusiasm intrigue me. But I’ve also bought candles from Hare Krishnas at the airport and lit candles at the Notre Dame de Paris and politely accepted religious tracts from people downtown. It’s because I want to have faith. What is a writer, or a human, without it?
Another practitioner held my hands and spoke to me with what she said was the voice of God. I found her calm grace both mesmerizing and strangely offensive. My first thought was, “How come I don’t have a direct line to God, too? And if I do, why do I need her?” Another woman, one of the Reiki masters, told me my aura (truth be told, I’m not even sure what that means) looked like sunlight shining through root beer. For a moment this image made me feel effervescent, then confused. Then I felt like she could see inside me and know I’ve been eating too much sugar lately, which made me feel fat.
I did leave the psychic fair with a desire to believe in something larger than myself. Even if we can’t prove or disprove their psychic abilities, I do believe Eileen Lock and the other healers can help those who are in need of a sounding board, an open ear, a kind and concerned friend. For the time being, though, I am just too damned stubborn to let it be me. And no matter what anyone says in my past or present lives, I look terrible in pink.
This article appears in Jul 30 – Aug 5, 2009.
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I have learned that I have to want to be healed in order for the healing to take place. Then, the healing always comes, though it may look or feel different than what I expected. I appreciate the fact that you admit you are stubborn and also that you do desire to believe in something larger than yourself. Perhaps the first step in an open heart. I also admit that I look terrible in pink, but consider the other colors you can add to your wardrobe.
I was looking forward to this article and I’m left disappointed. I gave you (Suzanne) a reading at this Fair, but not one that you commented on. I encourage skepticism (I’m Irish, too), but this seems more like Irish Catholic baggage, steeped in fear, not skepticism. You showed up for class, willfully misunderstood the lesson and the written assignment lacks in substance. However, you left with a desire to believe in something greater than yourself, which makes your effort worthwhile and leaves the possibility that your heart and ears will open, eventually, giving you a more balanced view.
Many blessings to you!!
Many are called, some hear the bell and for each of them it tones uniquely. Not all who are called have a clear view of their commitment to others aka they’re in it for personal reasons. As a 20-year Intuitive Coach, fair producer, and a highly ethical witch, I can tell you that 80% of all lightworkers out there are the good kind – perhaps a larger % with so many waking up.
It sounds as though you are approaching readings in a “Prove it!” attitude. We’re happy to play with your types for a while – just in case you might get it mid-way or there might be some collateral good that we can do. You want a carnival sideshow demonstration of psychic ability, but you’re looking for it in the wrong place.
Would you go to a restaurant with your Aunt Mildred’s recipes in mind insisting that the chef serve you an exact copy of one of Mildred’s favorites? More so, would you go to this restaurant if you weren’t at all hungry?
My dear, you’ve already said here that you are strong, independent, and not seeking counsel. You chose to see an astrologer and so you wanted the security of coordinates and calculations. The vast majority of “us” studied their system diligently and practice it honorably. You likely were told many other things during your reading and it’s understandable that you would focus on the comments that you found objectionable.
Were I you, I’d try it again – with someone with whom you feel drawn to. Do it when you can hear with an open heart. Know that our true mission on your behalf is to receive and convey information intended to help you along your path.
I’m planning to visit Bend soon; my son is a new member of the Bend community and is proud to be a part of the great team at Pizza Mondo. If you’d like, you can contact me via http://www.tarotandbeyond.com and we can arrange a complimentary* reading for you. I can explain this so much better in person.
* we need to exchange energy and so your payment will be to post an honest review.
I really applaud you for sharing your thoughts and experiences here and offering us an opportunity to reply and help. If you read my bio /website/ you’ll see that I began this path in my journey as a skeptic as well and perhaps my story might bring you peace.
We are, for the most part, just normal people answering a call from something bigger than us, trying to get it right – trying to help – if for only a few minutes at the table. Cut us some slack. 🙂
Good readers/healers/guides/coaches/etc come from a place of heart-centeredness. We are ill-prepared to ‘demonstrate’ on command – hell, many of us are still learning to work in unity with our apparent yet ever-changing connection with what we most-commonly refer to as god.
I apologize that this note is a bit disjointed. I’m new at smartphones.
I wish bright blessings for you and yours.
April Hughes
Pioneer, CA
PS: I’d be delighted to receive an invitation to offer Readings, Coaching Sessions, Tarot Lessons, and more at a local store or event within reasonable driving distance from Bend.