Wine Country
$40 surcharge 

Funds get funneled toward Travel Oregon, the state’s tourism commission to promote tourism centered on wine and the culinary arts. 

Regarding these wine plates, I have this tight 10-second comedy bit I’ve been ironing out: 

If I was a cop, I’d be a crooked cop. Like, I’d really lean into my prejudices. But I wouldn’t be corrupt in the stereotypical ways. No, no. Here’s what I’m talking about: I’d categorically pull over drivers with Oregon Wine Country license plates. I’d saunter up to their vehicle, lean into their unrolled window, and take a long, sommelier-esque whiff of their person. 

“Mmmm…have you had anything to drink this morning…perhaps a splash of… pinot grigio?” 
The driver would be flummoxed. 
“…Mmm, wonderful…let me see… It’s giving a… 2022 vintage, yes?” 
They’d begin blubbering. 
“….From an estate in… wait a minute — NAPA VALLEY?!” 
Cuff ‘em ‘n’ stuff ‘em, folks.
[Crickets.] 

Look, comedy is an art form and I’m still workshopping this one. 

Pacific Wonderland
$100 surcharge 

Which license plate do you pick after you’ve already outspent the Joneses on your top-of-the-line Audi/BMW/Porsche? 

Why, look no further than the Pacific Wonderland plate. It’s comparably unimaginative — our state colors, c’mon — yet it costs four times more than the other specialty plates! Yes, the fees benefit the Oregon Historical Society and the Oregon State Capitol Foundation, but that’s not the real issue here, which is a rizz-less status flex. 

The aesthete in me, however, does concede that the navy and gold plates do make a black Cayenne pop. 

Share the Road
$10 surcharge 

Yay! Cycling is fun, healthy and saves the planet. 

But can we do something about how doofy the cyclist looks? It’s a silhouette of someone’s dad riding in Obama jeans. And he’s cross-chaining, which increases wear and tear on the drive train (rookie move).  Brainstorm: How about a silhouette of someone’s dentist crushing on, say, a titanium triathlon bike? Wait, no, that would likely inspire even more teenagers to coal-roll our group rides. 

Proceeds, split down the middle, go toward The Street Trust Community Fund and Cycle Oregon

The latter nonprofit designates and maintains scenic bicycle routes throughout the state. 

Veteran
$10 surcharge 

First instituted in 2008, Oregon’s veteran license plate program was a joint effort between ODVA and the Oregon Department of Transportation, according to the state. 

No notes. Thank you for your service. (OK one note: You gotta submit your DD-214. No stolen valor, here!) 

Salmon
$30 surcharge 

A fishy! This salmon plate is an improvement on the previous one, which, as viewed on a vehicle baking at a trailhead during the height of summer, always made my stomach turn. That salmon wasn’t in water! With the new iteration, there’s no misconstruing whether the salmon is alive, instead of dead, discarded and rotting on a boat ramp somewhere. 

Proceeds go to the Watershed Conservation Operating Fund and Oregon Parks & Recreation Department. 

Trailblazers Rip City
$40 surcharge 

More like: Trailblazers: R.I.P., City! 

Amirite? 

In all seriousness, how sad will Blazers fans be, driving their Subaru WRXs with the fan plates of a team whose billionaire owner rips it from the fabric of Portland — nay, that of the entire state — if Multnomah County Commissioners can’t scrounge $101.6 million for a Moda Center renovation? The surcharge benefits the Portland Trail Blazers Foundation, which funds nonprofits in Washington and Oregon. 

Springing for Rip City plates will not contribute to the Blazers remaining in said Rip City. 

College plates
$40 surcharge 

The proceeds of these plates, dedicated to the University of Oregon and Oregon State University, go toward each respective university. (The UO’s benefits its alumni association.) 

As if either school needs more money. 

Cultural Trust
$50 surcharge 

This is the most realistic (if unintended) depiction of what it feels like to hike while high on mushrooms and ketamine. Surcharge money goes toward promoting the Cultural Tax Credit.