The Source Etiquette Guide to Dive Bars

“Good manners reflect something from inside — an innate sense of consideration for others and respect for self.” — Emily Post

Dive bars. What’s not to love? You get no-bullshit service, (relatively) cheap drinks and chatty regulars with whom you can score in more ways than one!

But if there’s one thing we’ve learned the hard way at the Source (and by the royal we, I mean me and me alone) it’s that despite the chipped linoleum, trough urinals and discarded coke baggies, there is a certain decorum to tying one on at a seemingly anything goes kind of establishment. Flouting rules, both spoken and otherwise, will undoubtedly get you floating out the door and onto the pavement.

Trust me, I’ve made a lifetime of mistakes that are only remotely worthwhile if you, enthusiastic drinker, take my words to heart. The below lessons are cribbed from my mistakes — or, mercifully, those of others.

And, in swerving from conventional etiquette guides, I’ve provided an exclusive list of Don’ts.

DON’T SUFFER FOOLS

Entertaining idiots — or perfectly fine folks who are idiotically drunk — is not a requisite for an evening at a dive bar. If cornered by a boor, don’t panic — a quick grin and a simple nicety in response will serve you time and time again. (As will the bartender.) You needn’t suffer fools. Just move down a couple bar stools out of earshot. If that’s too obvious, go pee and then walk outside, cradling your cell phone like you’re about to take a call. Problem solved. If a harasser persists, tell the bartender. Doing so is way more effective than telling someone off more than once. Related: I’ve been consistently amazed by how quickly an Oregon bartender will bounce a miscreant. It’s like they enjoy it.

DON’T BE CONSPICUOUS

Yes, it stands to reason that there are drugs in bars — particularly dives. But that doesn’t mean consuming said drugs on the premises is anything the management thinks is neat-o. If you must indulge in, say, Bolivian marching powder, be discrete. That means making sure the bathroom stall door is fully closed before you open your baggie. It’s also best practice to be alone in the bathroom before you roll your noisy joint. And girls — beelining it with three giggling besties to the bathroom is a sure-fire way to draw attention to your nose-powdering. I can’t think of a more embarrassing reason to get 86’d.

DON’T ASSUME GENEROSITY

If a bartender you don’t know slides you a drink you didn’t order, think twice. Sure, we all know what getting roofied is, but consider another nefarious scenario: You raise the glass in an appreciative manner and mouth “thank you”; several more get slid your way. I encountered this situation one night at a dive bar in Philadelphia. I was drinking with a friend, shortly after Christmas. Ornaments still littered the dive, along with the toy train set that wrapped around the bar. I watched the bartender load up a mini coal car with 1-ounce pours and, toggling his remote controller, delight a couple wearing party hats with unexpected shots. We waited our turn — cheerily, the train stopped at our counter, despite us already having two beers and a whisky between us. And so went the rest of the evening, drinking in the neighborly cheer. Then I closed my tab. The total: $240; $130 spoke for the seven “gratuitous” shots. Long story short, I protested the charges, was mocked for my stutter, thrown out the door and, thereafter on the sidewalk, punched repeatedly in the head. (Don’t pity me; I got some good licks in, too.)

DON’T BRING STELLA

Bringing your doggo to an impossibly benign biergarten, such as Good Life’s, which features a playground, is whatever — you know best. But seriously reconsider taking your pooch to a dive bar. Cute, friendly dogs are magnets for asshats. Be prepared to suffer dog-kisser after dog-kisser. If you’re already in a crappy mood, don’t bother going to the Westside Tavern; just swing by the gas station for a six-pack to go. Oh, speaking of the Westside, if loud, fast street traffic triggers a fight or flight response in you, don’t sit at one of the patio tables that separate you from the traffic on NW Galveston Avenue. Reacting to an 18-year-old’s coal-rolling the patio area is a sure-fire way to ruin the night out with your person.

DON’T OVERSTEP BOUNDARIES

In “Kitchen Confidential,” the late Anthony Bourdain compared the anarchy of kitchen workers to that of a pirates. Dive bartenders might be thought of the same. They’ve seen it all, lived it all and are often amazing conversationalists. They may very well extend that summation to you, but don’t let the transactional nature of your relationship get twisted — they’re paid to listen to us. Thinking about asking a bartender to join you in your shared love of, say, mountain biking, sometime on their day off? Give ‘em a break; they need to decompress, and off-the-clock hangs with regulars is not that. So, play it cool, tip a few extra bucks here and there, and put that goodwill toward someone else in your life.

This article appears in the Source September 18, 2025.