This will be my 23rd summer living in Bend, and it is safe to say I’ve seen the full spectrum of visitors who pass through Central Oregon. I hate to shock people, but the secret about this place has spread across the world with no signs of word slowing down.
Sitting at my desk, I can already see summer approaching. I “woo” in my head every time the Cycle Pub goes by, get jealous of people walking in swimsuits clearly ready to go soak up some sun in the park, and wish that I was in their shoes having a care-free weekday in Bend. To cope, I decided to poke a little bit of fun at the goofiness brought on by tourist season, knowing I’ve also been one of these people multiple times in my life off visiting other places. So, to prep for the influx of beer drinkers, golfers, families, outdoor lovers and folks just wanting to see some sights and have a good time I present to you my Touritisms.
This article appears in Source Weekly May 19, 2022.
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The cat is definitely out of the bag about Bend! We now need to spread the word that there is a severe housing shortage, tripled rent, tourist season is way more crowded than Disneyland in Summer months, all our Beer has gone bad, we have an uncontrollable out break of wolf spiders, all camp spots have been overrun by fire ants and poison ivy, snapping turtles have invaded Bend, lurking in the night with razor sharp teeth and an abundance of poison water moccasins and fresh water sharks have been spotted in our lakes and rivers which are eating up all the fish and children! Sorry folks, no where to camp, fish or play in the water and definitely no places to live. Don’t even get me started on the Bigfoot sightings of Sasquatch in a speedo!! That’s a hairy mess all on its own.