My husband Peter and I are visitors to Bend for the month of September. We live in the UK.
On Sept. 11 we had our first baby at St. Charles via our wonderful surrogate, a Bend resident. Peter and I are same sex parents. Together 21 years, it took us 14 years to put together funds to embark on this journey. We have, in our lives, faced homophobia. I grew up in India where it was culturally taboo to be gay. We were assaulted by a gang of young teens in our third year together. But we had love as children – love is something that accepts a person completely. That love sustained us. It made us determined to build our family.
The day after Colette was born, we ordered an Uber to take our baby from the hospital to our temporary Bend apartment. Before it arrived, I sent an SMS to the driver, “We’re first time parents. We’d appreciate your help with the car seat, if you know how.”
She assumed the parents were a mom and dad. She leapt out of her car and said, “I want a picture with the new family and the baby!”
Then she saw my Peter and I. She saw our one-day-old baby. She said, coldly, “Where is the mother?” The hospital nurse who was there to wave us off said to the driver, “This baby has two dads.”
The driver responded, to myself, Peter and the nurse aggressively. “Well, neither of them gave birth, did they?” she declared, with angry finality. Needless to say, she didn’t want a “family photo” anymore.
In the car, I tried to defuse the situation. I asked her if she was just starting her evening shift. She snapped back, “I work when I want.” Then she tuned into a Christian radio channel. The Christian music was at full blast. She glared at us through the mirror. Hostility was palpable.
Pete and I, exhausted after 48 hours caring for our baby at the hospital, were stunned that our first journey with our baby, which should have been full of joy had turned into hatred for us. Defenseless baby Colette sitting quietly in the seat. The journey was mercifully short. No goodbye from her. I thanked her for the drive – British politeness in awkward situations—she turned away from us.
The incident has cast a pall over our new family. It’s shaken us badly. We’re scared of leaving our Bend apartment. We’re frightened we’ll encounter other such scary incidents. We’re reminded of the time we were beaten up.
Alain de Botton says, “Those who make us feel bad about ourselves are not necessarily in possession of the truth about us.” Whether we use it or not, life goes – we will use it, and make our daughter’s life full of love and joy. Unlike the Uber driver, we are not Christians. But the lesson of Christianity—to be kind, to forgive—we will teach those lessons to Colette.
Editor’s note: Shroff also shared Uber’s response, which included the following: “Per our Community Guidelines, behavior by a rider or driver that is insensitive to race, religion, gender, sexual orientation, etc. is not appropriate and not tolerated. We will be reaching out to the driver to investigate this matter.” Uber also refunded the couple’s ride.
This article appears in Oct 3-10, 2018.
MAKE LOCAL JOURNALISM HAPPEN
Republish our articles for free, online or in print, under a Creative Commons license.
Sorry this happened to you and your partner but not sure how this is discrimination in any way from what you described, driver had a “opinion” that differed from yours and you still got the service you paid for.
Just because someone is rude and has a differing opinion does not mean you were discriminated against. It seems you have a “opinion” about Christian music but no one is claiming you are discriminating against Christians for your “opinion” of a radio station.
P.S. Congratulations on the new member of your family.
I completely agree that it would have been truly unfortunate and WRONG if this event happened _to any degree_ (or exactly as they say it did).
However, the writer loses all credibility with their unbelievable claim that the driver “blasted the Christian radio”
Having taken many Ubers in NYC, I have never been on a ride where I did not ask the driver to turn it up, turn it off, or change it when they had music playing…
Is it possible that the story is a bit exaggerated?
To that point, if the driver is “different than me”, why would the driver be obligated to pretend like _my_ differences are a welcome delight?
For example, one night, after finishing business, I got into an Uber in a very bad part of Newark, of all places, and the Driver, a nice native Ethiopian had country music blasting, and I hate country music (complete irony)… I am not generally a fan of some Ethiopian music either, and I would have asked him to turn it down if it was something I did was not enjoying, but I asked him to turn it off or change it, and he rolled his eyes and turned it down… Again, I asked him to turn it off completely, and he rolled his eyes and did not comply… I thought to ask to be let out, but it was a very dangerous (at night), and I was a cracker completely “out of my element”. He was driving like a crazy man, I felt I was in danger, and he kept the radio on with that country music.
I did not ask Uber for a refund, I did not give him a tip, and I had no hard feelings because I was OUT OF MY ELEMENT… Why should the driver be condemned for his behavior? He is the one who is going to suffer by a lack of tips, just like a poor waiter or waitress.
If I was a racist and or a _BULLY_, indeed I too could have cried “foul” and complained that the driver was actually the “racist” himself and was _insensitive_ to me, being a “poor white man” who was treated disrespectfully and forced to listen to music I did not like.
I could have put the driver’s job at risk if I had made such claims.
Then again, why would I do that…
Is it possible, that this article and this letter is an attempt to bully Christians?
Both Sides, thanks for your comment. Im the writer of this piece. I dont have a problem with Christian music – the reason I mention it is because of the irony of playing Christian music, while not being very Christian in behaviour towards us on our first day outside of the hospital as parents. Best, Sorab
Sorab, Peter and Colette,
What a pleasure it was meeting the 3 of you! I am sorry for your negative experience here in Bend and wish you the best in your journey!
Peace and Love,
Jeremy…..:) uber driver
Peter and Sorab,
First, let me congratulate you on the birth of your daughter. This is indeed a precious and joyous time, and she is fortunate to be welcomed into a loving home.
Then, please let me apologize on behalf of all of us in Bend who do not share the Uber driver’s beliefs. I am so sorry that your experience was uncomfortable and unpleasant and marred the homecoming that you have been anticipating for many years. If you would like to connect, I would be very happy to bring you a meal, meet you for a walk in the park, drive you where you need to go (I think I still remember how to work a car seat) and welcome your family properly.
I wish you all the best. May you be surrounded by peace and love.
~ Jennifer
Do not fear those fools who cannot see love and goodness. It is blindness of their heart that is going to be their own demise. Focus on your little girl, your love in this world for everyone and everything and pray for that fool of an Uber driver to get a clue. Life is short. Live it well. Happiness is the best revenge. Don’t judge others as she has judged you. Blindness of the heart is an epidemic, just look at Washington DC in the last week. Look at the blindness that is going unnoticed by so many. Keep your world your world and let the one outside your love pass beyond into the ethers of time. Enjoy. Love and be loved. There is nothing else that matters. Cheers and Congrats!
Welcome to Bend! The land of rude, mean and unwelcoming people to say the least! Doctors work part time and we have cell towers in our school yards. The water is polluted with Alliumium Barrium. It’s measuring 60 parts or billion!
Have you ever visited Bend sir? I am shocked you assumed it would be friendly. I have been treated like an alien here.
Do your R&D next time. Sadly this is the most unwelcoming place for Gays. I’m from San Francisco and sadly made the move to Bend without visiting first. I too moved here to care for my son and moved for the health care and not the “local friendly people”. You have an economy that is a replica of Hawaii- rich tourists and poor local people. Only two types live here. I have lived here for 4 years and I’ve never seen a gay couple in FOUR years! I haven’t seen or met an Asian, a black, a hindu or Jew either and I can’t take it. Every day I am accosted by rude people here it’s a daily event. i watch it happen to other people as well. We also live on 110 volcanoes here and if you understand energy then you appreciate all the bad and good – it’s all a lesson from our root Chakra source. Peace