Being a conservative, I am ashamed by the findings of W. Lamberson, April 29, that found people of my ilk are responsible for food, water and medicine shortages on the planet. Then, worst of all, responsible for depleting the ozone layer, causing global warming and deforestation. What chumps!
Being a conservative, it was required of me to be the most openly bigoted, racist, sexist, earth plundering gay basher I could be.
I’m finally ready to change my ways. I want to become a liberal.
Being a liberal, I too now believe that my country owes me health care and should look after me from cradle to grave.
Being a liberal, I now believe that my government, from Washington to the Bend City Council knows what is better for me than I do.
Being a liberal, I finally see the conservatives for the dumb ass hicks that they are (name calling and stereotyping is required now that I am a liberal).
I am ready to bask in the glow of liberal enlightenment.
– Mike Prank, Bend
This article appears in May 6-12, 2010.
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Mike–
Thank you so much. I knew Lamberston’s letter would be life-changing for someone. I am so pleased that you have seen the error of your ways in your past life and are now prepared to walk in the sunshine of liberal lockstep, leaving behind the darkness known as conservatism. I am glad that you have been reborn into a world where all will be well as long as you follow a dogma no less rigid than the one Lambertson described.
The defining partisanship of our times has nearly eliminated the possibility of agreement and action. A true believer cannot adopt a position or act if a polar ‘opposite’ has any commonality with that position or action. Our partisanship has degenerated into the demonization of the opposition. Dialogue and debate used to involve ideas. Now it has become ad hominum attacks–much more personal, much less logical, and much more likely to result in static inaction.
We can’t even discuss ideas because the opposite point of view is ‘evil.’ We can’t discuss–we can only attack.
Bask away, Mike. You are now entitled.
I too congratulate Mike for recognizing the extent to which he and his (formerly) fellow Conservatives contributed to the appalling state of the World (and of course, the US in particular). His deep contrition was touching and obvious – but, a note of caution Mike: you seem to have swing too far and a bit askew. Though most conservatives may have one or two of the characteristics you listed (openly bigoted, racist, sexist, earth plundering, gay basher – to which I would add: unschooled, boorish and simpleminded) only a few have all of them – in fact, in 1998 I met one who had none! Just one.
A second note of caution: some evil conservative talk-show host-fuhrer has misled you about the true meaning of “Liberalism” (I always tell “new-grads” to the cause to look up “Liberal” in the Oxford English Dictionary at this point so we both understand the non-Rovian meaning of this most beautiful word).
Don’t fret. It takes a long period of reading and reflection for any Conservative to become a true Liberal – enormous gaps in education have to be filled as the concepts of Liberalism are challenging and unfortunately can’t be summarized as: Strong Military, Strong Economy, Guns, Flag, Gitt’rdun and to Hell with the Poor… oh and yes, Jesus!!!
With time and study, you CAN do it.
And Mr Cramer, tut, tut, “Lockstep Liberal” – good alliteration but oxymoronic
As the author of two of the most controversial letters of,(I believe) 2007 I do have to say that too far either way is way too damned far. Extremism is just that. Any Idiot knows that a strong country has a strong military, thats a gimme. The reason ANY of us has right to say what we do is because of a soldier who follows orders without question. But that can also cause problems when we are led into illegal and unjust nonsense war. We live in a country that has good points and bad but is run by the greedy life form known as Homo Sapien.
I have both left and right wings and this prevents me from flying in a perpetual circle. I realize that 99% of the politicians at state and fed level are crooked and don’t take party sides, this will never change so try working a bit together and see how far that goes. I doubt that this will ever happen because neither Lib nor Con can help each other on anything without MUTUALLY declared war due to difference of opinion. Gitt’rdun and happy Jesus to all!
“And Mr Cramer, tut, tut, “Lockstep Liberal” – good alliteration but oxymoronic.”
No, no Mr. Shortball, “Lockstep Liberal” is redundant…(that means it’s repetitive ….which means it repeats itself).
Speaking of sexist, how about those sexy joggers and other female athletic types and their tight lycra on those incredible bodies….awesome!!!!
No, Critic, my ‘liberal lockstep’ was an intentional alliterative oxymoron, as Richard (good to see you back) pointed out. My problem with dogma–Left or Right, Liberal or Conservative, is that it requires un-thinking, total concurrance of all true believers and no deviation from the path.
An example is the ouster of Repub Senator Bennett this weekend because he was not pure enough for the republican party–he failed to be conservative ‘enough.’ The ‘lockstep liberal’ is the same–different litmus tests, but purity is important. Everyone bitches about RINOs and DINOs.
“unschooled, boorish and simpleminded”. Kinda like anyone who fell for Mr. “Prank’s” sarcasm.
As usual I find myself in agreement with much of what Mr Cramer has to say – I would say this: “Liberal” has been made a wholly pejorative term here in the US (by means of which I know you are aware being familiar with Lakoff and others) … elsewhere (a piece of the planet by which I remain influenced despite my best efforts) this is not the case. Most people I’ve argued with here about the Lib/Con divide can’t tell me what a Conservative is any more than they can tell me what a Liberal is… and I suspect you and I are in agreement, that THIS is the actual problem
Good to hear from you too!