I’ve been asked by the Left Field department to share my views on
fantasy football and I’m glad to do it because fantasy football is
eating up sports fans and turning them into soulless statistic chomping
geeks.
Last Sunday, I was jumping up and down in my sweatpants,
spilling PBR Light (I’m watching my figure) all over the place as
Atlanta Falcons quarterback Matt Ryan sent a 26-yard bomb spiraling
into the hands of receiver Michael Jenkins, who stepped out of bounds
with one second left. The Falcons then kicked a field goal to
miraculously beat the Bears.
Now, I don’t give two and a half
craps about the Falcons or the Bears, but I get an endorphin surge and
feel generally better about America upon watching such a dramatic
ending to a football game. And when I don’t have anyone to share my
football high with, I typically pick up the phone, which is why I
called an anonymous friend who had just watched the same game. But the
strangest thing happened -he seemed wholly unaffected by the impossibly
awesome ending to the game. Actually, I don’t think he even realized
who won, and I don’t think he cared. Rather, this son of a bitch was
lamenting the fact that certain players who just so happened to be
playing in this game “ruined” his fantasy football team for that week.
This
is the problem with fantasy football: it takes the “game” out of
football and replaces fans with ESPN.com-addicted nerds who could care
less if the Chargers win, but want to see Ladainian Tomlinson run the
ball every friggin’ play so they can take the lead in their league – a
spot currently held by someone’s wife who begrudgingly “drafted” a team
blindly in order to fill a vacated spot. Take your imaginary teams out
of football and put them up against the warlocks and goblins of your
Dungeon and Dragons and quit taking the fun out of football, you
fantasy loving nerds.
This article appears in Oct 16-22, 2008.
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Mike, Excellent article. I couldn’t agree with you more. The simplistic concept of fantasy football is for the simple minded anyway. It has nothing to do with coaching, playing, or game planning. It is nothing more than a stats game.
Offended, I am. Yes, O-ffended.
Just because I’m hoping that Peyton Manning can put up a ton of points this week so my Fantasy quarterback, Aaron Rogers will have to keep throwing the ball, and I’m starting both Laveranues Coles and Jerricho Cotchery because my opponent is starting Brett Fav-re and they’re playing in Oakland, and I’m hoping that New England can keep Denver from getting past the thirty-yardline so my kicker, Matt Prater can keep nailing those beautiful, beautiful field goals, does that make me a stat nerd?
Okay, maybe it does. But, I’m a Dolphins fan. What other pleasure can I take out of football?
Fantasy football can be fun if you play with people you know and keep the monetary buy-in to a minimum, and it is a good way to learn about other teams and players that you wouldn’t pay attention to otherwise. But yeah, many people take it too far. When you find yourself paying more attention to the stats than the game, it’s time to move on.