Modern auto indulgences can bring the great outdoors inside, and the comfort of a sedan into the world of topless automobiles. Everybody seems to want what they don’t have. Those with open tops want the comfort of a warm cabin. Those with a cabin want to see the stars. If you are torn between the decision to go indoors or outdoors with your next vehicle purchase, and especially if you are obscenely rich, a couple of new options may be able to make life just a little more convenient.
There are a couple of decisions you need to make before your purchase. First, identify your reasons for wanting to outfit your vehicle. Is it for you, or are you doing it to increase resale value? Do you want a nifty doo-dad because you think it’s cool, or because you expect that somebody else will want it later on?
If you’re thinking about outfitting the car for resale value, you may want to check your head. With only a few exceptions, such as alloy wheels or a desirable performance package, most options add almost nothing to the value of a vehicle. Contrariwise, according to Car & Driver, it’s far more common that a vehicle will lose value because it’s lacking a common feature such as power windows, automatic transmission, or air conditioning.
But as long as you’re interested in decadent options for the sake of your own comfort, expecting little or no compensation, then there are many fine ways to spoil yourself—with many of them only available from Mercedes-Benz. It remains a sad fact that you can’t have your car seat massage you at the same time it blows hot air on your neck underneath the artificial starlight of your Rolls Royce. Not yet, anyway…
Mercedes-Benz massaging seats
Price: $1,820 and up
While it’s not the greatest massage in the world, it’s still a massage while you’re driving your car, which is better than you’re getting unless you’ve hired a masseuse to sit in the seat directly behind you. Sometimes, putting a five-year-old with cramping legs behind you will net the same result for cheaper. The option comes stand-alone for $1,820 on a S550, or is part of a premium package on the CL550, or comes included if you buy anything with a V-12. While now available from other luxury manufacturers, Mercedes pioneered this luxury option in 2000.
Mercedes air scarf
Price: $510-3,750
It’s understandable that in today’s society the task of tying an actual scarf around your neck can be cumbersome and confusing. After all, you need to set down your iPhone and use both hands for about 20 seconds. Never fear! Mercedes-Benz has removed the need for actual scarves when you decide to drive your convertible with the top down after summer’s end. The automotive kings of comfort have invented a virtual scarf which blows hot air on the back of your neck while you drive, keeping you nice and cozy and looking like a royal ass who doesn’t know what season they’re in. This indulgence is $510 on a SLK55 AMG, or part of a $3,750 package on other models.
Rolls Royce starlight headliner
Price: $12,000 (similar feature also available in an Opel Adam for under $500)
The king of expensive and useless indulgences has to be the Rolls Royce Phantom, which presents the option to have 1,600 starlight LEDs festooned on the headliner. The price of this unexpected pampering? An extravagant $12,000! However, it gets props for exclusivity, since it’s the only car offering such a feature. Wait, what’s that? You can get one on a European-spec GM car for under $500? Now I feel dumb.
This article appears in Sep 23-30, 2015.
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ok , peeps . its time for the breakdown . Im off tuesday and wednesdays , so , tuesday is the action day and wednesday is the relax day when I fire off the e mail of the past weeks events . continue to rock out at kindergarten . I would imagine that kindergartens have much in common with lunatic asylums . high volume . random , incoherent babbling . anti social behavior . spastic outbursts . and then there is the students . any way , love kindergarten . so funny . some of them get it . some of them dont . some of them think they know whats happening but are not completely sure . this is the nose . this is the ear . sing and dance time . so I got two turtles and I also got a crab . dont know what to feed the crab . had two hermit crabs but I fed them a bit of pear and that appeared to have led to their untimely demise . do you let white wine breath ? what if you let red wine breath for over a day ? so , the market . wow . saw a cucumber as big as my leg . I think the noodles I worship are called LAMPUR . more on that in the future as I have decided to deconstruct these noodles with an interpreture eventually . I may end up writing a book about these noodles . I think I eat them every other day . when I say eat Im talking about 4 servings . ok , so , the market . its really all about fruit and vegtables but that will probably change as winter sets in . lots of food carts with baked goods . big , swiming fish and jumping shrimp . will have a pet shrimp soon . maybe feed the pet crab the pet shrimp . ok , so , the market . its basically a street that has been turn ?mm /
ed into a market . I pass by / through it as I enter my appartment complex . also , there are these three wheeled taxi’s right there , which is really good because I use them to get to and from my kindergarten . its a buck ( five yuan ) and it saves me a 20 min. walk . I dont think I have ever walked it but I should just to see how long it takes . so , I take the 208 bus to get to the jinnan library where I work on the weekends . when I say work I mean bullshit with the crew and students for a few hours . thats a 20 minute bus ride . 50 cents ( three yuan ) . but I catch a ride to there from the kindergarten with my boss lisa . she is really cool and dates my homie gary and has a six year old kid with some other guy . so , another bus , the 652 , takes me downtown . this takes like 2 hours or more and Its often packed . its really a crap shoot . I guess during rush hour in the morning and evening its packed . but seriously , its like , man , you just cant fit more people on to this fricking bus , and then more people get on . talk about getting to know the chinese . same with the sub way . last year I was all about the sub way . not this year . tomorrow I will probably go downtown . today I actually hit the sea . yep . the pacific ocean . stuck my finger in it . for real . it was great . wrote a song about it . wanna hear it . ok , here it goes . left at six am . took the 652 south , the opposite direction . the highway I like next to is called the jinqing highway or S 106 . any how , it goes from downtown , past my place , all the way to the sea . pretty far out . so , the mantra was stay on this road . if the bus goes off the road , get off the bus and get back on the road and get another bus . I also had my beloved i phone 6 + with me to look at my g.p.s. position on my maps application . I love my phone . the ring tone is bark . so , after , like , my 5th bus , I got off the road because now the coast was due east and the road headed south . so , I walked through this big intersection , dreads flying everywhere , and these dudes in a black caddilac pull me over . I show them my i.d. , which is a xerox of my passport photo that I keep in my wallet ( this was the first , and maybe last time I have ever used it ) , then pulled out my phone and said , this is where I am , blue dot , and this is where Im going , blue sea . they spoke no english . they were like , ok , fine . so , I got a cab and blasted to the sea . so , I got there , and it was just this empty , new , 8 lane high way , maybe one car every five minuets , and no cabs or busses , then a closed off six lane high way , surrounded by marsh land , a giant oil refinery , a nuclear plant . so , I walk through this marsh on a dirt road . if it rained on me I would have been looking at a half mile walk through mud . very happy it did not rain . finally get to the ocean . clear . warm . would not have jumped in you paid me . it was a huge breakwall . looking out to sea a few miles and there was another huge break wall . that one was not on any map and I dont know why it was there or what it does . very strange . so , hung out for a while . again , no one there . no one . totally empty . no body . so , mission accomplished . great . wanted to check that box off for a year and a half . now how the hell do I get out of here . back to the road . no bus . this is the only place in the whole city where there is no taxi . ok . so , hitch hike . after about half and hour and having a few people slow down a little but not enough for me to stand up, this cat come driving down the road , the wrong way , like in the wrong lane and stuff , does a u turn . Im like , thank god , because I would have had to ” comondeer ” a vehicle at some point . so I get in and we haul ass out of there . I offer the cat a 50 spot knowing he would be like , no thanks . I get out and have a great lunch , spicy calamari and beer . then its back on the bus . some old folks help me get out at the right spot . then Im talking to some high school kids . this was really funny because whenever I talk to high school boys in china its just basically telling each other the names of n.b.a. stars . so then I make it back home and here I am . got the air conditioneer on . wonder if I will be using the a/c in october . that would be pretty strange . have been having trouble streaming music so now I listen to all my music on youku.com . this is the chinese youtube.com . no youtube.com for me . when I do have access to youtube.com then thats how I listen to all my music . dont have chess.com but now play on chessclub.com . also , cant seem to find any info on the world chess championship 2015 . hmmmm . world chess championship 2014 was last november in sochi won by the 25 year old norweigian number one dude magnus carlsen . but I digress . on chess . love chess . so , at the kindergarten its me and about 20 super hot young chinese ladies so , uh , cant really complain about that . when someone dies in china they get in a truck and drive around firing these giant cannons . Im not kidding . it sets off car alarms . also , anyone who does have a car alarm should be shot immediately . so , Im getting ready for the autumn festival soon , to be followed by a week of national day celebrations . I think october first 1949 was the birth of the nation . china is like 4000 years old but the chinese think that china is , like , 66 years old or something . for some reason Im saying like more than a 14 year old girl . I appologize . I have no explanation for this . any way , everything is great , except for my internet , which sucks , but , I am aware that there are real people out there who have actual problems , so I wont whine to you about the fact that MY INTERNET SUCKS . at least I got it . I also wont whine about my V P N limbo . seriously , if anyone wants to talk about football . . . . . really . . . . football . . . . anyone . . . . . cwb out . LUV YA .