Left Field

HEY, IT COULD HAVE BEEN
BUD COLLINS…
Apparently the only thing dropping from Wimbledon faster than Americans and top-seeds are the pigeons.
Championship
officials last week hired an assassin to take out pigeons who weren't
scared of by the two hawks originally hired to rid the area of flying
rats. The dive-bombing birds were a nuisance to players for sure, but
they were also creating a health hazard in one of the restaurant areas
of the All England Club, officials said, when they began defecating on
patron tables. Sort of puts the yuck factor in the traditional
Wimbledon indulgence: strawberries and cream.
People for the
Ethical Treatment of Animals, of course, wound themselves up in a tizzy
admonishing championship officials, saying the marksmen were used as a
"first, rather than last resort" according to ESPN.com.
But the
whole thing got me thinking about where marksmen might be appropriate
in the American sporting arena - and where PETA has no jurisdiction.

After four-plus months of college basketball, it's finally here. The
NCAA tournament: the last pure thing remaining in the world of sports;
the reason we would rather have every day of our lives be the first day
of the tourney and not Christmas.
But before the games get rolling,
there is the obligatory bitchfest following Selection Sunday, with
sports writers, commentators, coaches, and conference officials putting
in their two cents as to who made the field of 65 (don't forget the
Tuesday night play-in game) and who will stay home. This year's
Selection Sunday was tamer than years past, but there were some teams
like Arizona State (19-12 overall, tied for fourth place in the Pac-10)
that didn't make the dance.The West Coast is touting its best tourney
roster in recent memory with six Pac-10 teams and another three from
the West Coast Conference. Does this mean the East Coast basketball
bias, fueled by the likes of Dick Vitale (who should hang up the mic
before he either goes mute or gets punched in the face) is over? No.
It's not. But we'll take what we can get.

There are a lot of litmus tests for sports fans. There's your Superfan who can tell what years that Sandy Koufax won the Cy Young and what his ERA was in each of those seasons. There's The Schwab - ESPN's in house statistician turned game show/freak show on Stump the Schwab - who can tell you well, everything. Then there's your average fan who can tell you, given some time, who won last year's NFC title game, ALCS Championship and BCS Series.
An easier way to differentiate between guys who know about sports and guys who know of sports is to make a reference to Erin Andrews.

HOW FAR WE
HAVE TO GO
On Feb. 2, Michelle Campbell arrived at St.
Mary's Academy in Kansas to referee a boys' basketball game. The
two-year officiating veteran was scheduled to call her first boys game.
However, the former college player was sent home because the school
didn't want a woman refereeing boys.
Darin Putthoff, who was
scheduled to officiate the game with Campbell-both walked out after
being told of the situation-reported that a St. Mary's official told
him that having a woman in a position of authority over boys was
against the school's beliefs.
In a statement-the school had
declined interviews-St. Mary's offered: "Our school aims to instill in
our boys the proper respect for women and girls. Teaching our boys to
treat ladies with deference, we cannot place them in an aggressive
athletic competition where they are forced to play inhibited by their
concern about running into a female referee." Campbell is a career
police officer.
"It was a sad day for the kids," Campbell told ESPN. "If they're like any other teenagers, all they want to do is play ball."

THOMAS WOLFE REVISTED
Gazing into the Source's crystal ball (you'll generally find the orb amidst the flying fish at the Colorado roundabout) and Left Field sees, after the 2008 NFL season, the following chain of events:
Mike Holmgren finishes the last year of his contract and retires from Seattle; Tyrone Willingham is relieved of his duties as head football coach at the University of Washington for failing to deliver on the mandate to win; Jim Mora declines to be considered for head coach of the Seahawks and accepts his dream job to run the University of Washington program; the 49ers are finally done with Mike Nolan's act and fire him; San Francisco offers Holmgren a chance to finish his career in his hometown as head coach of the five-time Super Bowl champions.

How fast are you?Any doubt that sports and politics don't mix?
Perhaps, you missed the usual pre-game shots of American troops in Iraq. Or the flyover by United States Air Force. Yeah, nothing like a bit of compulsory patriotism with your professional football.
And, just how American is the NFL?
If Left Field had the financial means to establish a professional football club with a desire to join the NFL, well, the league restricts the number of franchises (currently, 32), charges a multi-million dollar entry fee (Robert McNair paid a $700 million expansion fee for the Houston Texans to join the NFL in 1999), and does not allow multiple teams in markets (exception: New York) without compensation to an existing team.

Why can’t this Pac Man get eaten by a ghost?18 AND ARIZONA
How good is New England? Well, Tom Brady throws three
interceptions, Randy Moss is barely a mention in the game and yet the
Patriots efficiently dismantle the San Diego Chargers, 21-12 in the AFC
championship game. Kevin Faulk catches eight passes, Laurence Maroney
rushes for 122 yards, including critical first downs on the
clock-chewing final drive in the fourth quarter. Jabar Gaffney catches
a touchdown pass, Wes Welker catches a touchdown pass. The ageless
Junior Seau makes key defensive plays. Rodney Harrison pressures Philip
Rivers. And, the offensive line continues to stake a case as the best
in the NFL, whether run or pass blocking. Yeah, New England is that
good.
ELI'S COMING
How improbable is winning three games on
the road, including defeating not only the frequently sleeveless Green
Bay Packers, but the ghosts of the legends oozing from the frozen
tundra (minus one degree, the third coldest game in NFL post-season
history) of Lambeau Field? Well, the New York football Giants (love the
sound of that!) accomplished one of the most difficult feats in sports
to reach their fourth Super Bowl and create the second consecutive
championship game that features a Manning at quarterback.
 

The hole in the roof distilling the elements onto the artificial turf of Texas Stadium in Dallas, the prescription athletic turf in Foxboro, the sterile confines of the RCA Dome in Indianapolis - then, there is Green Bay. Real grass, deca des of championships, legends and history oozing from the frozen tundra of Lambeau Field, a sea of green, cheeseheads, fans bundled in layers of warm clothing, snow, lots of snow on the ground-could you ask for a better setting for playoff football?

Typically, at this time of year, writers seek the shelter and comfort of Top 10 lists or the best of the year or some such low hanging literary fruit. Well, Left Field will not, dear readers, stoop so low to insult your good intelligence with such prosaic drivel!
We're stronger than the temptation. We're mightier than the outstretched fruit. We're…well, you get the point.
Instead, we will succumb to the cosmic lure of cipher contentment.
Ah, yes, we do have a weakness. You see, by day, Left Field crunches numbers, devouring spreadsheets and databases with the glee of Jim Valvano winning an NCAA men's basketball championship. We are a sucker for digitalia. And here's what the numbers tell us about 2007.