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Week in Review

One Day at a Time

MONDAY 12 Ugh! “Young love,” right? All those (ew) “hormones” and “lack of life experience” and “hopefulness for the future”… BLECH! We’re just so glad we’re not that little 20-year-old pop starlet/Disney actress Selena Gomez who’s having a dickens of a time breaking up with that little boy with the hair… oh, what’s his name? […]

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The Super Bowl of Straight Poop Happens Here Weekly

News makers from previous week.

Monday, Jan. 16
Dropping like flies: Former Utah Gov. Jon Huntsman drops out of GOP presidential race, endorses Mitt Romney … Meanwhile supporters of Texas Gov. Rick Perry urge him to drop out too … Wikipedia Shrugs: Popular online encyclopedia and other websites to go dark Wednesday to protest legislation they say will kill internet freedom … Meanwhile US Federal Trade Commission probing Google for possible antitrust violations involving new social media site Google Plus … Idol worship: Lifelike 12-inch action figure of the late Steve Jobs withdrawn after “immense pressure” from his family and Apple lawyers … Call it Bootylicious Beyonceous: Australian researchers discover new species of horsefly, name it in honor of Beyonce because of its beautiful golden butt … Down and out in Buckingham Palace: British government tells royal family it can't afford to spend $92 million for new royal yacht … Congratulations, you survived it: Psychologist determines that third Monday in January is most depressing day of entire year.

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All the Straight Poop on Mitt, Newt, Tim and the Two Rickys

Monday, Jan. 9
It's good to be the boss: Mitt Romney stirs controversy by telling business execs in New Hampshire, “I like being able to fire people who provide services to me.” (He was talking about health insurance companies) … Buddy who? Poll shows Buddy Roemer (he's former congressman and Louisiana governor) has pulled ahead of Rick Perry in NH. “It’s a lead of eight people versus six people, but still,” says one blogger … Homesick: White House Chief of Staff William Daley quits after less than a year in job, says he wants to go back to dear old Chicago … Tensions escalating: Iran's Revolutionary Court sentences US citizen Amir Mirza Hekmati to death for spying; US says charges false … BFFs: Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez and Iranian Premier Mahmoud Ahmadinejad meet, ridicule US, vow to “unite forever” … Back to cold turkey: Study finds nicotine patches and gum don't help smokers quit permanently, may even make things worse … Twitterin' Tebowers: Fans of Denver QB Tim Tebow send record number of tweets following Tebow's dramatic overtime defeat of Pittsburgh.

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Everything's Coming Up Roses and Straight Poop

A gathering of news makers and headlines from the previous week.

Monday, Jan. 2
Flexing their missiles: Iran test-fires two long-range missiles, continues threatening to disrupt shipping through crucial Strait of Hormuz … Mission unaccomplished: Arab League observers admit they'd failed to stop violence in Syria, with 390 killed since they arrived three days ago … Bitter ending: Benjamin Colton Barnes, Iraq war veteran suspected of fatally shooting park ranger, found frozen to death in chest-deep snow in Mount Rainier National Park after massive manhunt … The force was with him: Bob Anderson, master swordsman who played Darth Vader in light-saber fights with Obi Wan Kenobi and Luke Skywalker, dies at 89 … Fashionistas of the gridiron: University of Oregon football team astonishes world with Darth Vader-like uniforms. In related development, Ducks beat Wisconsin 45-38 in Rose Bowl.

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This Is the First Straight Poop of the Rest of Your Life

A gathering of news makers and headlines from the previous week.

Monday, Dec. 26
Guess they're considering the alternatives: Gallup Poll finds 47% of Americans approve of President Obama, first time since last summer that positive rating's been higher than negative … Now this is a shocker: Independent panel finds Japan wasn't prepared for disaster at Fukushima nuke plant … Arab “Spring” in December: Arab League observers arrive in Syria and tour city of Homs; residents say government troops fired mortars and machine guns at them … No spring in Moscow: After tens of thousands of demonstrators call for ouster of Prime Minister Vladimir Putin, government says it's open to “dialogue” but won't give in to protesters' main demands … Oh, the indignity! Jennifer O'Neill, former personal assistant to Lady Gaga, sues ex-boss for $380,000 in overtime, complains she was forced to “ensure the promptness of a towel following a shower.”

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Ring Out the Old Straight Poop, Ring In the New

A gathering of news and headline makers from the previous week.

Monday, Dec. 19
Flameout: Newt Gingrich's lead among Republicans evaporates; Gallup now has him in virtual tie with Mitt Romney … With friends like these: Website that promotes adultery endorses Gingrich, puts up billboard of him with caption: “Faithful Republican, Unfaithful Husband … The Daily Gaffe: Texas Gov. Rick Perry, fading fast in GOP presidential race, describes defunct Korean dictator Kim Jong-Il as “Kim Jong the Second.” Wonder what happened to Kim Jong the First? … No deal: With Department of Justice antitrust enforcers looking over its shoulder, AT&T drops plan to take over T-Mobile USA … Syria agrees to allow Arab League to send in monitors as violence rages on; UN says at least 5,000 killed since protests started in March … Stand by votre homme: Anne Sinclair, wife of sex scandal-plagued Dominique Strauss-Kahn, voted Woman of the Year in France.

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A Stocking Filled With Straight Poop for Good Girls and Boys

Gathering of news makers from the previous week.

Monday, Dec. 12
On to the next war: President Obama and Iraqi Prime Minister Nouri al-Maliki hold news conference to mark formal end of war in Iraq; “A new day is upon us,” Obama says … Meanwhile Iran refuses US request to return captured drone, demands apology instead … Putin's party poops out: Russian President Vladimir Putin's United Russia party stages rally in Moscow, but few show up – and many who do say they were forced to come … Heads may roll: Lowes catches flak for pulling ads for TLC's “All-American Muslim” reality show in response to complaint from right-wing group in Florida that it's “propaganda” … Heads do roll: Saudi Arabia confirms woman was beheaded for practicing “sorcery,” making total of 73 beheadings this year … The First Dude: Sarah Palin trying to pitch new reality show about husband Todd's career as champion snowmobile racer.

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Our Straight Poop Is Sometimes Naughty but Always Nice

A gathering of news makers from the previous week.

Monday, Dec. 5
Not Putin' up with it anymore: Thousands take to streets in Moscow shouting “Death to Putin!” after Prime Minister Vladimir's party accused of rigging parliamentary elections … New Deal: German Chancellor Angela Merkel and French President Nikolas Sarkozy call for new European Union treaty that will punish countries for overspending … No exit sign: Afghan government says it'll need US troops until 2024 and US money until 2030 – at least … The Newt & Nancy Show: House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi says she has dirt on Newt Gingrich from 1990s ethics investigation and will use it; Newt says if she does it'll be a violation of congressional rules … Meanwhile investigation by Reuters finds Mitt Romney spent $100,000 to hide records when he left office as governor of Massachusetts … At least he wasn't flying: Federal Aviation Administration Administrator Randy Babbitt put on leave after DUI bust.

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Stock Up Now On Fresh Straight Poop For The Holidays

A gathering of happenings in the news from the previous week.

Monday, Nov. 28
Mr. Excitement: Atlanta businesswoman Ginger White reveals 13-year affair with pizza king and would-be president Herman Cain, says it was “fun” and “exciting.” Who would've thought? … Parting shot: Rep. Barney Frank, D-MA, first openly gay member of Congress, announces retirement, takes dig at Newt Gingrich, saying his nomination would be “best thing to happen to the Democratic Party since Barry Goldwater.” … Tattletale: Kansas Gov. Sam Brownback says his office “overreacted” to Tweet by 18-year-old student saying he “sucked,” apologizes for reporting her to principal … Party animal? Pippa Middleton, sister-in-law of Prince William and possessor of one of the most-admired asses in Britain (it has its own website) reportedly inks $625,000 deal to write guide to party planning … No, life is NOT fair: Three affluent wealth managers from posh Greenwich, CT share $254 million Powerball jackpot.

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