In an unprecedented showing of Republican solidarity spearheaded by dynamic leadership, the House GOP has voted unanimously to repeal the recent killing of al Qaeda leader Osama bin Laden. If the Senate fails to pass this measure by midnight on May 13th it will automatically become law. House Majority Leader Eric Cantor of Virginia explains:
“While I’m not opposed in principle to bin Laden’s death, the timing of this incident could not have been worse. We have much more pressing issues to address, such as college transcript requirements for Black Presidents, privatization of Social Security and Medicare, elimination of the Departments of Energy, Education, and Environmental Quality, and what the hell to do about Donald Trump’s hair. And the fiscal shortsightedness of this exercise is mind numbing! I shudder to think of what long-term effects this action might have on our growing deficit. We need to be cutting expenses, not incurring them. Little jaunts like this into exotic locales don’t come cheaply, as the President’s recent trip to India demonstrated. Now every Tom, Dick, and Harry backwater republic will expect us to slip silently in to kill some criminal or despot in an expensive midnight raid. We simply cannot afford to be crashing helicopters into fortified compounds all over the world, no matter the target. And the lack of transparency! Again the Obama administration is making decisions that affect us all behind closed doors without utilizing the creative minds of great thinkers like me and Representative Bachmann. The presumptuousness of the man is simply limitless! This vote, clearly mandated by the mid-term elections, reflects the American peoples’ belief that this assassination was an unnecessary distraction at an inappropriate time. Where are the jobs Mr. Obama? This operation should have been delayed until more stable economic times were achieved under a Republican President with birth records accessible somewhere in this country, not hidden away on some remote island separated from the mainland by a body of water so vast that only Mr. Trump could afford to send a team to investigate. God Bless America.”
Editor’s note: The piece was submitted to us by local writer, Kent Wickham, a few hours after the announcement of Osama bin Laden’s death. So we thought we’d pass along this fine piece locally produced satire.
This article appears in May 5-11, 2011.
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Not funny…and I like satire. But not funny to me, and I’m probably the only reader of The Source to say so. I think it’s great to see all sides. But if you want to satirize Republicans, choose a different event. Lives were lost on 9/11 & since in war, this was a serious mission, military lives at stake. Freedom to express our beliefs, to say & write what we damned well want to is a great & hard fought freedom. I’m not holding my American Flag & waving it as I write this, rather it’s hanging off my front porch. I read The Source all the time, enjoy it. But come on, Mr. Wickham is a talented writer, but The Source “passing this particular story along” I could have done without. Yes, I didn’t have to read it, I could have put the paper down & picked up my bass to play some Alice In Chains riffs instead. But I didn’t. It’s not that I can’t take a joke, it’s just that I don’t think this is a joking matter. That’s my opinion now back to my bass.
I found it hilarious and unfortunately there is some truth. I’m sure there are Republicans out there who would love to do just this.
It becomes increasingly more important to inject humor into the most dour of situations. The satirical humor in this article is wonderful. Thank you Mr. Wickham for a good laugh. I know now I will live a little longer because laughter is the best medicine!
Wickedly,witty writing my friend .
In a world that seems to be getting crazier on a daily basis, it is refreshing to read a humorous spin on it. Our country has pressing problems that could have some devastating outcomes for the sick, the elderly, the youth, and if it continues, will adversely effect just about everybody. More than ever, we need articles such as Mr.Wickham has written to keep our perspectives in place, and enjoy a good laugh while we are at it. I highly doubt that Mr. Wickham is not sensitive to the 9/11 attacks. What I got out of this satire is that our country is so confused, and that priorities, esp. by the Republican party, are very out of sync. I appreciate this article very much. I’d much rather have a piece of well written satire in my life, lest I give into the temptation of spending my time crying over the frustrating state and stupidity of the politics we currently endure in our nation. Two thumbs up Mr. Wickham!
In a world that appears to get crazier by the day, I am grateful for Mr. Wickham’s recent article. The priorities in this country seem to be going steadily backward. The frustrating state and stupidity of the politics in our current climate can be so overwhelming, that I prefer to enjoy a humorous perspective, lest I spend my time crying out in constant despair. A big two thumbs up!!