I can watch people get shot, blown up and serial killed all day long, but as soon as something bad happens to an animal…I’m out. I’ve still never seen “Marley & Me” because I know how it ends and I’m not a masochist. For the Pet Issue my normally snarky self was thinking about writing […]
Film
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War Games
“Dunkirk” is rough but rewarding
War movies are all basically structured the same way. They have three acts and they’re usually around two hours long, with the first hour focused on introducing the audience to the soldiers and making you care about them and whether they’ll get home to their newborn or survive their one last deployment, etc. The next […]
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Gorilla Warfare
A True Summer Blockbuster
I know you’re not going to believe me, but “War for the Planet of the Apes” is a masterpiece. Not a masterpiece in comparison to other summer blockbusters, but compared to other cinematic works of art. Somehow, a movie where 75 percent of the main characters are computer-generated primates speaking in sign language is the […]
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Bad Habits
Prepare to be here-tickled
“The Little Hours” has a one-joke premise that could have easily been a “Saturday Night Live” sketch rather than a feature-length movie. For any other movie, that would be an insult—but this perfect cast and team of filmmakers squeezes every drop of hilarity and mirth out of that one joke. Based on “The Decameron” by […]
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The Good Daughter
Riding through Southeast Asia
“If possible I will do what I can to ease the pain of war.” — Huyen Nguyen “Blood Road” isn’t just a sports documentary. Instead, it’s a look at the human cost of war; an ode to the harsh beauty of Southeast Asia and an incredibly personal tale of a journey 40 years in the […]
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The Perks of Being a Wallcrawler
Just your friendly neighborhood Spider-Lad
It’s almost impossible not to be cynical about the fact that we’re now experiencing our third reboot of Spider-Man in 15 years. This could have easily been a soulless cash grab designed to market the character to a younger generation with its youthful cast and high school setting. Instead, Marvel has once again created, ahem, […]
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Crossing Streams
Will Netflix save cinema?
This year was the first time a film from streaming giant Netflix played in competition at the Cannes Film Festival. As soon as the Netflix logo appeared, the notoriously tough crowd began to boo and hiss without having seen a frame of the actual film. Audiences at Cannes like to consider themselves film purists, but […]
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Little Yellow People
Laughing at the Despicables
I don’t wanna be that guy complaining that movies should teach my hypothetical children something other than gibberish, but here I am, asking you politely to get off my lawn and take your Despicables with you. Amazingly enough, “Despicable Me 2” and “Minions” were both the highest grossing animated films of 2013 and 2015, respectively. […]
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Looking Out For a Hero
Sam Elliott Gets a Chance to Shine
Is Sam Elliott a national treasure? Are we comfortable as a society giving him that honor, or is that something we collectively decide posthumously? I grew up watching the off-brand Sam Elliott Westerns such as “The Shadow Riders,” “The Hi-Lo Country,” and “Conagher.” Sure, it might be stuff like “Tombstone” and “Road House” that made […]
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Bay to the Future
Another summer, another Transformers
It’s 484 AD and a drunken Merlin (the always-perfect Stanley Tucci) rides his horse toward a massive battlefield to meet with King Arthur and his Knights of the Round Table. Before the battle, he forges an alliance with a hidden group of Transformers that combines into a massive flying dragon and turns the tide of […]
