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Source WeeklyJuly 20, 2011July 1, 2024

Monday, July 11
Descending to the depths: Five senior Scotland Yard investigators reported to have had cellphones hacked by Rupert Murdoch's News of the World … The Sun, another Murdoch rag, allegedly stole medical records of former Prime Minister Gordon Brown's infant son, who has cystic fibrosis … Shareholders file suit against Murdoch's News Corp., accusing it of “complete failure” to properly oversee operations at NOTW … Well, this had to happen: St. Martin's Press to publish book by psychiatrist entitled Inside the Mind of Casey Anthony. We really don't want to go there … Just when we needed some good news: Scientists discover “superbug” strain of gonorrhea in Japan that resists all current antibiotics.

Opinion

The National Guard's Cheesy Move

National Guard is given the boot for promising money that was never given.

Source WeeklyJuly 20, 2011January 4, 2023

When a merchant uses bait-and-switch tactics on customers, it's sleazy. If the government used bait-and-switch tactics on young men and women to entice them to join the armed forces and put their lives at risk, it's so far beyond “sleazy” there's no adjective strong enough to describe it.
Chelsea Wells was a 17-year-old high school senior in Milton Freewater when the National Guard pulled what looks like a bait-and-switch move on her. The bait was the promise of a $20,000 recruitment bonus for agreeing to become an intelligence analyst, a “critical skills” position. Half was to be paid when Chelsea signed up, the other half after three years of service.
Chelsea collected the first $10,000. But when she tried to collect the rest of the bonus in 2010, the National Guard told her she could forget about it. The position she was recruited for “was not on the critical skills list on the date of [her] enlistment,” the Guard's pencil-pushers claimed, so she wasn't going to get the second $10,000.

Opinion

Greg Walden and the Other Dim Bulbs

The newest ones to be given the boot!

Source WeeklyJuly 13, 2011March 18, 2023

We swore we were going to resist the temptation to write any light bulb jokes about this topic, but we just couldn't stop ourselves. So here goes:
Q. How many votes does it take to screw the American consumer?
A. Fifty-two more than the Republicans had this week.
On Tuesday, the House defeated the Better Use of Light Bulbs Act – BULB, get it? – the Republican Party's latest offensive in its War on the 21st Century. The BULB Act would have repealed the part of a 2007 law that imposes more stringent energy efficiency standards for light bulbs.

Opinion

This Straight Poop Compiled Without Hacking: We Guarantee It

poop, Rupert Murdoch

Source WeeklyJuly 13, 2011March 20, 2025

Monday, July 4
Happy Birthday, America: Millions celebrate 235th anniversary of American independence with parades, fireworks, and large amounts of barbecued food and beer … Joey “Jaws” Chestnut wins Nathan's Famous Hot Dog Eating Contest fifth time in row, scarfing 62 dogs … Lotsa luck, Americans: Obama administration ready to offer tens of billions in Medicare and Medicaid cuts to get deal with Republicans on debt ceiling … Fighting back: Lawyers for Dominique Strauss-Kahn plan slander suit against woman who accuses him of sexual assault in 2002 … Long arm of the law: Jack Daniels McCullough, 71, of Seattle charged with murder of 7-year-old girl in Illinois in 1957 after discovery of unused train ticket demolishes his alibi … End of the line: Archduke Otto van Hapsburg, last heir to the once-mighty Hapsburg Empire, dies in Germany, age 98.

Opinion

The Legislature Bridges the Great Divide

The Oregon Legislature finally makes some achievements with a redistricting plan, and education reforms.

Source WeeklyJuly 6, 2011April 10, 2024

Maybe Oregon should pass a constitutional amendment requiring the state legislature to be evenly split between Democrats and Republicans. Judging by what the legislature achieved during its last session in spite of its partisan division, we could do a lot worse.
One of the legislature's biggest achievements, which we honored with a GLASS SLIPPER three weeks ago, was passing a redistricting plan – something it hadn't previously managed to do for 30 years. But it racked up a number of other significant accomplishments. Among other things, the legislature:

Opinion

Welcome Summer With Our Garden-Fresh Straight Poop

AdministratorJuly 6, 2011January 4, 2023

Monday,
June 27
Details, details: Michelle Bachman, kicking off presidential campaign in Waterloo, Iowa, says she's proud she was born in same town as John Wayne. Problem: Waterloo was birthplace not of John Wayne but of John Wayne Gacy, serial killer … Blago's busted: Former Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich found guilty of having unpronounceable name and silly haircut. Just kidding. He's convicted on corruption charges … Knock yourself out, kid: Supreme Court rules states can't ban sale of violent video games to children … Dicey: Wildfires force evacuation of Los Alamos Nuclear Laboratory in New Mexico; officials say nothing to worry about. Uh-huh … Two Most Wanted: International Criminal Court issues warrants for arrest of Muammar Qaddafi and son Saif al Islam Qaddafi for “crimes against humanity.”

Opinion

Our Fresh Poop Is Always Straight But Never Homophobic

Source WeeklyJune 29, 2011December 3, 2023

Monday, June 20
What could possibly go wrong? Tennessee Valley Authority, oblivious to Japan's Fukushima reactor disaster, plans six new nuclear plants in eastern Tennessee. At least there won't be a big tsunami risk … Big day for the Supremes: US Supreme Court's conservative majority strikes down massive sex discrimination class-action lawsuit against Wal-Mart … Court also unanimously strikes down suit aimed at forcing cuts in greenhouse emissions from power plants … Just when we needed some good news: Forecasting firm IHS Global Insight predicts Portland will return to pre-Great Recession employment levels in 2014, but Bend won't reach that point until (gulp!) 2021 … Only in America: Richard James Varone, 57, of North Carolina, unemployed and uninsured, robs bank of $1 so he can go to jail and get medical care for various ailments.

Tuesday, June 21
Losing traction: On the heels of 16 campaign aides quitting earlier this month, Newt Gingrich's top two fundraising advisers resign; campaign reported more than $1 million in debt … Still clueless after all these years: Sen. John McCain (R-AZ) says he's “puzzled” as to why some folks were upset when he blamed Arizona wildfires on illegal immigrants … Scare tactics: US Food and Drug Administration unveils hideous cigarette pack images of festering sores, etc., aimed at discouraging smoking … Wrist slap: JP Morgan Chase & Co. agrees to pay $153.6 million to settle civil fraud charges. That's less than it makes in a week … Sweet music: Violin built by Antonio Stradivari in 1721 auctioned for $16 million; proceeds go to Japanese earthquake relief.

Opinion

The COCC Anti-Tobacco Nannies

COCC attempts to create a tobacco-free campus by prohibiting it everywhere on campus but it may not be teaching tolerance in a place where tolerance should be respected.

Source WeeklyJune 29, 2011January 4, 2023

Smoking and chewing tobacco are unhealthy things to do – nobody disagrees with that. And breathing secondhand smoke is unhealthy too – virtually nobody disagrees with that.
Motivated (presumably) by a noble desire to discourage students from smoking or chewing and to protect non-smokers from exposure to secondhand smoke, Central Oregon Community College appears to be on the verge of approving a “tobacco-free campus” policy. Praiseworthy as the motive may be, the policy goes way too far.
COCC already has taken strong measures to make sure non-smokers aren't subjected to unwanted tobacco fumes. Smoking isn't allowed inside any of the campus buildings at any time. People who want to light up have to do it in one of the parking lots or on the street.

Opinion

The World's Freshest Poop From Our Far-Flung News Bureaus

Source WeeklyJune 22, 2011March 17, 2023

Monday, June 13
Down the rat hole: Defense Department says it can't account for $6.6 billion in cash that vanished in Iraq, presumably stolen … Don't piss off the Big Guy: Vandals deface Bend's Westside Church with graffiti saying “Praise the FSM” (Flying Spaghetti Monster); “God is the one that’s going to get revenge,” says church official … Snow White and the Six Dwarfs: Michelle Bachman and six Republican men get together for presidential candidates' debate and friendly Obama-bashing session … Not recommended for the acrophobic: Airbus announces it's developing a transparent plane … The thrill is gone? Facebook loses 6 million US users in past year; Mark Zuckerberg apparently unfazed … The thrill definitely is gone: Ex-Playmate Crystal Harris, 24, dumps fiancé Hugh Hefner, 85, less than a week before scheduled nuptials. “It was all happening too fast,” she says. Which isn't usually the problem with 85-year-old men.

Opinion

Shortchanging the Crooked River

The Central Oregon Jobs and Water Security Act throws away opportunities to fish, irrigate and restore a steelhead run to the creek.

Source WeeklyJune 22, 2011February 4, 2023

A thing can be cheap – or even free – and still be no bargain. That's the case with Rep. Greg Walden's Crooked River bill, and that's why we're giving it THE BOOT.
Walden has dubbed his measure, HB 2060, the “Central Oregon Jobs and Water Security Act.” But it's far from clear that it would create any jobs, and it definitely wouldn't do anything meaningful to enhance the water security of the fish living in the Crooked River.
The reservoir behind Bowman Dam in Prineville is a rather unusual case: It holds 80,000 more acre-feet of water than has been allocated for irrigation and other downstream uses. Putting that water into the river would help fish thrive and multiply, which would improve the fishing and encourage more people to come and fish, which would be a boost to the local economy.

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