Opinion
Posted inOpinion

To Hell in a Hand Basket: Of bailouts, turds, oil and Slurpees

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American Socialism
Hear that? Unearthed dust and crackling bones as the Founding Fathers are rolling in their graves. Capitalism has failed; welcome to American Socialism - Where the Federal government can step in close and/or negotiate a buyout of a publicly-held institution (Bear Stearns) and/or invest in others more amiable: Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac. Treasury Secretary Henry Paulson, under the ever-diligent guidance of President Bush, will ask Congress - err, the Saudi Royal Family and China - for funds to back the two giant housing financiers. Each company currently has $2.25 billion in government backing, set some 40 years ago, and a total debt between them of over $1.5 trillion. Trillion. So, the next time you hear politicians slandering Hugo Chavez and Russia for nationalizing entire industries, remember this moment. Or, think back to the golden days of Reagan and the first Bush, when the same financial scandals hit, and involving the Bush brother we don't dare mention, Neil, who was fined $50,000 and banned from banking. Praise George Washington that the free market works so well!

Posted inOpinion

Don’t Drag Me Into I.D.

For several years now, I have kept my mouth shut as someone with the same name as myself has periodically written letters to both The
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For several years now, I have kept my mouth shut as someone with the same name as myself has periodically written letters to both The Source and The Bulletin about Intellegent Design. As a person who works in the medical field and considers himself a man of science, the whole theory of Intelligent Design frustrates and annoys me.

Posted inOpinion

Your Pooch is a Pain

Attention all you newbies to Bend!! Especially the pop tart, 20-something babes who think it’s so cute to let their dogs run free on
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Attention all you newbies to Bend!! Especially the pop tart, 20-something babes who think it's so cute to let their dogs run free on the First Street Rapids River Trail while hanging onto UNATTACHED leashes. Hint: the leash attaches to your dog's collar.

Posted inOpinion

Concealed Weapons Story is a Joke

Normally I would consider responding to the content of this “newspaper” as beneath me, because it would only serve to lend legitimacy to the unvarnished
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Normally I would consider responding to the content of this "newspaper" as beneath me, because it would only serve to lend legitimacy to the unvarnished bias, circular logic, shrillness, ideological hegemony and pure hatred spewed weekly by this rag.
However, I had to make an exception for your 'Armed in Oregon' diatribe, which was only exceptional for being the most pathetic and unimaginative case for gun control I've ever read.

Posted inOpinion

City Is All Wet On Watering

Does anyone else see the irony of receiving city of Bend water conservation mailings when if you take a short walk anywhere in Bend you’ll
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Does anyone else see the irony of receiving city of Bend water conservation mailings when if you take a short walk anywhere in Bend you'll find gallons of water soaking the pavement? The other night I was walking down Awbrey Dr. when a sprinkler must have malfunctioned because there was a small river flowing alongside me.

Posted inOpinion

Welfare for Builders

Just needs a little stimulus.As the housing slump widens and deepens, builders all over the country are in a world of hurt. Builders in Central
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Just needs a little stimulus.As the housing slump widens and deepens, builders all over the country are in a world of hurt. Builders in Central Oregon are hurting too. But the builders here have come up with an idea to ease their pain: Interest-free loans from the taxpayers.
The loans would take the form of a break on SDCs - Systems Development Charges. These are fees builders pay to help cover the cost of new roads, sewers, water mains and other stuff made necessary by new construction. In the City of Bend, SDCs can run upwards of $13,000 on a new house.
As things stand, builders have to pay the SDCs up front, before they can get their building permits. But under the bright idea the Central Oregon Builders Association has put forward - an idea that, incredibly, has the support of the city's Community Development Department - SDC payments would be deferred for nine months, interest-free.
At the end of nine months, supposedly, the builder will have sold the house and be able to pay off the city. Or if he isn't, the city will have a lien on the house as security.

Posted inOpinion

Gender Benders: A new baby in Bend, truth squads and taking the Helms

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Oh Baby!
This week's Upfront column must begin with congratulations to Thomas Beatie, the 34-year-old Bendite who gave birth to a girl last Sunday. Born a woman, Mrs./Mr. Beatie underwent "gender realignment" surgery (nip, tuck, pull, OWW!) and is legally recognized as a man. Reported to have delivered the child via traditional method (don't ask), Mrs./Mr. Beatie can be thanked for putting Bend on the map - And distracting the rest of the world from our fair, gender-neutral city's many problems, like hyper-inflated housing prices, pathetic governance and overall apathy. Anonymous sources close to City Hall say that in order to overshadow the remaining year's many issues - local transit based solely on imported oil, the continued housing slump and a general malaise among voters - the Mayor and City Council plan to impregnate a salmon with the sperm of a cougar, creating a monster fish that can't find its way home yet eats everything in its path, much like a Bend developer.
Defining Patriotism
Swift Boating without a paddle, the GOP and Democrats ignored our failing economy, the Taliban retaking Afghanistan and growing international cries for a climate treaty to engage in a useless debate over patriotism last week. While Obama (who was once criticized for not wearing a flag pin on his lapel) said that patriotism shouldn't be used as a "political sword" by any candidate, McCain's campaign announced the creation of the "Truth Squad" to defend his record of service. Meanwhile, retired General Wesley Clark said of McCain's time in Vietnam: "Well, I don't think riding in a fighter plane and getting shot down is a qualification to be president." Asked to grant a quote about service and patriotism, President George W. Bush, who served a few months in the Texas Air National Guard before disappearing into a fog of cocaine and floozies, offered, "Karl? Where's Karl? Rove! Turd Blossom? Who's got that fake letter we faxed to Dan Rather? Oh, wait! Is this thing on? Turn that off! You're either with us or against us! 9-11! Osama! Did I say that? I meant Iran…"

Posted inOpinion

Sex Message is No Joke

We are new to Westside church. We travel from Alfalfa to the Westside of Bend to attend, so the banners don’t affect us one way
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We are new to Westside church. We travel from Alfalfa to the Westside of Bend to attend, so the banners don't affect us one way or another.

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