Bad Moods, Self-Criticism and Love

I’ve been on a love roll… Last month’s Inner Heroes message was entitled “Democracy & Love. ”

A few of my earlier titles were: “Love Your Demons,” “Love Wisdoms from Heaven” and “A Few Random Love Stories.” Another one was “How to Make Love,” not the erotic kind, but the day-to-day kind of love. Let’s all keep getting better and better at making it. There are folks who are counting on us.

For obvious and not-so-obvious reasons, love is what all of us want and need. Without it, we’re robots, going from here to there and back again. We’re jogging along on the treadmill of life. Sure, we might be successful in our work lives, star athletes, good lawyers, or skilled fry-cooks. Anything!

But we need each other. Every one of us plays a role. We’re each important in our interdependent world. How does love fit into this infinitely complex web of humanity?

And how do we protect our precious love from being damaged by two of its most tireless enemies: bad moods and self-criticism? Let’s add worrying to this list.

Love is glue.
Fuel.
Our reason for being.
And I am not talking about romantic love, although it certainly can be a wonderful part of life. It’s just that romantic love rarely sustains its initial full-throttle energy for more than a few years.

The love we’re discussing today is about warmth, tenderness, appreciation, steadiness and selflessness. We can have this special love with our partners, parents, children, grandchildren, friends, even strangers. Anyone. Everyone. Love is an experience of one-ness that brings out the best in both its recipients and providers. Every love is different. And love needs sturdy boundaries in order to thrive.

True love is strong and determined. It is also tender and fragile. What a seemingly incongruous combination.

I love, love. It is a skill we never fully master. And love needs us to live it. Day-in and day-out! From getting up in the morning to putting our heads down at night.

We need love and love needs us, too!

And just as there are many skilled robbers of our precious diamonds, there are also many skilled love-thieves, too. Most of these sneaky little devils reside inside of us. Bad moods, worry and self-criticism are simply part of every person’s life. No one escapes love devils.

What we can and need to do in order to minimize their toxic impact is: notice them when they arrive, and call them out for what they truly are, toxic. Even if they are true, hammering ourselves with them only serves their destructive purpose.

We have negative thoughts for a very good reason. When they show up, they remind us to turn toward light! Light might also have a capital L, meaning for you whatever that capital L might mean. A Light that knows the truth. That no one is perfect but at our core, we want to live an honest, loving life. For most, this Light gets somewhat dulled. It’s a lifelong discipline to consciously move closer to the Light and let our own Light shine. From my perspective, that is the main reason we’re here. Everyone is a beneficiary of our efforts. Do I wish there was an easier pathway to the Light? I do. I can accept that upward movement usually requires thoughtful effort.

Our loving life decisions are often the fruits of our poorer, hurtful ones.

It’s a challenge to defeat our bad moods, worry, and self-criticism, but we do not have to be defeated by them either. Go to the love you have in your life. Breathe into your belly. Go to gratitude for life’s endless miracles which we often take for granted. Thank your thousands of food providers. Your thousands of shoe providers. The roof over your head. Teachers. Friends. Role models . . . .

I recently met two fellas at Larkspur Community Center where I work out. Both of them are 95 years old and keep moving their bodies regularly.
They are candles.

Let’s keep heading toward the Light.

Burt Gershater is a local counselor, leadership trainer, speaker and writer. He can be reached at info@burtgershater.com.