Outdoor Life magazine’s naming of Bend as the number one town for “sportsmen” in the U.S. has some locals in a state of shock.
“It one thing to be named the number one city in Poetry Slam magazine or Urban Hipster quarterly, or even McMansion Annual” said performance artist Allgood* (no last name given), “but to be named as the best place for hunting and fishing is a step backward for Bend.”
“What’s next,” offered personal fitness and life coach Lydia Mall*, “hordes of cammo-clad kids in our schools, open carry laws, shooting within city limits, endless bad country music on all radio stations, a Ted Nugent lecture series, only Bud Light served in bars, ‘kill’ hunting shows run over and over on cable television and jacked up four-wheel drive vehicles making traffic hazardous?”
The shock is palatable and already several people have declared that they will run for the next City Council election on an anti-sportsman’s platform.
Meanwhile over coffee at the D and D, Bend native Bill Pronghorn* just laughed at the uproar.
“It would be kinda nice to get some hunters and fishermen back here. Then we could call off school for the opening of the deer hunting and fishing seasons like we used to years ago. In fact having a lot of cammo being worn around town and people really into hunting and fishing would be just like Bend was 30 and 40 years ago before all these fancy folks moved here.”
Who knows what will happened but a friend in Wisconsin noted in a recent e-mail that given what’s going on in that state, he expects to see a lot of guns, ammo, tackles boxes and cammo clothing being packed up in pickups heading to Bend.
Prepare for the culture clash.
*Obviously, none of these people actually exist.
This article appears in Apr 21-27, 2011.
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Sportsman have been here alot longer than the rest of you yuppie bendities, I dont see what the problem is. If it wasnt for the grizzled scruffy men that made this place what it is the rest of you would probably still be in california.
Shame on The Source for printing such an antogonistic pile.
Casting false personalities into roles that challenge one anothers lifestyles is extremly distasteful.
What if Bend had been named #1 for Gay and lesbian culture in Oregon? Would you create print the same kind of article? What if bend had ben named the #1 for returning Iraq and Afghanistan veterans?- Would you print an equally pugnacious article?
I don’t like it when people write ‘fake’ news for the purpose of entertainment, etc… Such tends to blur the lines between reality and fantasy, between that wich is trivial and that wich is enormous. Look at the other comment and you will see exactly what I mean. Chris Henry did not realixe that the footnote at the bottom revealed this article for the pile of poop that is. Why? Well articles like this tend to make people emotional, especially when they feel like they are under attack.
The Source is not The Onion. The Source is better than that.
Hear, Hear. Or what if Bend were named “Best Town to be a Witch” or is it which? or possibly wich? And why drag Chris Henry into this. Haven’t the Bengals been through enough with Carson Palmer.
Bob, you had be rolling on the floor with this one. OK, I didn’t really roll on the floor, but almost. Too bad no one seemed to get the humor in this. I thought it was actually some excellent commentary on the whole old Bend/new Bend debate. Very funny!