MONDAY, MARCH 18 In news that may shock you senseless, Lindsay Lohan was in court again today (for reasons that should be obvious) where she was sentenced to 30 days of community service and 18 months of therapy (won’t help). One humorous incident of note: During the hearing, Lindsay’s new terrible attorney Mark Heller kept […]
One Day at a Time
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One Day at a Time
MONDAY, MARCH 11 Well, this explains a lot: “Kim Kardashian Gets a Vampire Facelift.” On yesterday’s episode of the absolutely abysmal Kourtney and Kim Take Miami, Kim showed the results of her so-called “Vampire facelift” beauty enhancing procedure—which looked like someone had rubbed a bloody, skinned squirrel all over her face. According to plastic surgeon […]
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One Day at a Time
MONDAY, MARCH 4 Look. All of us want to save Lindsay Lohan—but who will actually step up and do it? Why, Charlie Sheen of course… who, as we know, is no stranger to walking through the fires of celebrity hell dressing in naught but “winning” and drinking naught but “tiger blood.” Here’s what he said […]
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One Day at a Time
MONDAY, FEBRUARY 25 You know you want it, so stop playing coy: Here’s more gossipy Oscar scoopage! ITEM! Cheating Twilight skank Kristen Stewart hobbled down the red carpet dressed in an ill-fitting Reem Acra gown and crutches under her arms. WHAT WAS UP WITH THAT? According to Us Magazine, and their behind-the-scenes bigmouth Anne Hathaway—who […]
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One Day at a Time
MONDAY, FEBRUARY 18 We’re beginning to suspect Lindsay Lohan knows absolutely nothing about money—how to save it, how to spend it and perhaps even what it looks like. Proof #1: Lindsay owes money not only to the feds and her lawyers, but according to Radar Online, she can’t even afford a two-bedroom apartment in North […]
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One Day at a Time
MONDAY 11 Aaaaad the Most Terrible Person of the Week Award goes to… someone other than Chris Brown? Amazing, but true! Certain homophobic students from Sullivan High School in Indiana—with encouragement from special education teacher/counselor/Most Terrible Person of the Week Diana Medley—rallied today for a separate prom that would ban gays. “We want to make […]
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One Day at a Time
MONDAY 28 America’s most lovable sweetheart, Chris Brown, is back in the news again, and—say it isn’t so! He and his posse allegedly jumped and attacked R&B singer/proud bisexual Frank Ocean? THIS IS SO UNLIKE CHRIS. (One moment while we disengage our “sarcastic all caps” function. There.) According to multiple sources, Brown and Ocean mixed […]
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MONDAY 21 Today heralded a monumental day in American politics—the second inauguration of President Barack Obama—but don’t worry! These hallowed proceedings were undermined by a bunch of stupid, inconsequential shit. INCONSEQUENTIAL SHIT #1: The entire Internet squealed with delight during the inaugural luncheon when House Speaker/Republican crybaby John Boehner said “something” to the First Couple, […]
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MONDAY 14 Last night Hollyweird was out in full force for the GLITZ! The GLAMOUR! And the GASTROINTESTINAL DISTRESS of the Golden Globes! Here are the highlights: Hosts Tina Fey and Amy Poehler killed it, turning award show chicken shit into something akin to chicken salad. It was also a great night for cut-aways, especially […]
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One Day at a Time
MONDAY 7 France is currently under siege from a scourge far worse than the great Parisian herpes outbreak of 1987. That’s right, preggo Kim Kardashian and her bamboozled baby-daddy Kanye West are in Paris. Today the loathsome pair were spotted spending oodles of francs at fancy-pantsy boutiques and dining at the uber-posh L’Avenue restaurant. Before […]