Upfront

Crash, what crash?

Some folks continue to look for a silver lining, or at least a light at the end of the tunnel, for the local residential real estate market. Witness the industry folks who say prices are holding steady even as sales volume has plummeted. (And even that is up for debate as one broker told Upfront, pointing out that the median sales price is down 13 percent for the first six months of 2008 versus the same period last year.) And despite the industry's loud proclamations that Bend's market is unique and unlike any other place in the country, immune to the storms that have nearly sunk the industry, the reality is that Bend and Central Oregon's real estate is tied to the health of larger markets - particularly Southern California as well as Seattle and Portland. And the prognosis for those markets isn't good. More importantly the overall economic picture for the nation has yet to brighten. According to the New York Times unemployment is at four year high and the manufacturing sector, particularly the automobile industry continues to tank with GM posting the worst year in the history of the automobile industry - the entire industry - with losses of $38.7 billion.
On the housing front, industry insiders are predicting that the mortgage crisis will only worsen as the collapse in the subprime market spreads to prime loans and near prime loans. According to the Times, evidence of the looming crises is already amassing. Delinquencies in alternative prime loans, which usually include a mix of adjustable rates and interest only components, quadrupled between April 2007 and April 2008. Meanwhile defaults for prime loans doubled during that same period as buyers struggled to keep pace with the mortgage payments amidst the softening economy and tightening credit market that has prevented homeowners from refinancing to more favorable terms.

Name changes have a long and storied history in this country of great re-inventors. Take Cordozar Calvin Broadus Jr. who became Snoop Dogg or John Osbourne who morphed into Ozzy Osbourne thanks to heavy metal and heavy sedatives. Then there's the transformation of Marion Morrison to film icon John Wayne. And don't forget another film legend who was born Jennifer Massoli but is known to the world as Jenna Jameson.
Institutions aren't immune to the image reinvention either. Before Nissan built the Titan it was good ol Datsun maker of cars with names that had funny numbers and Z's. Before the world got Googled it almost got BackRub'ed. (Co-founders Larry Brin and Serge Page changed the name in 1998 - two years after founding the Internet startup.)
So we probably shouldn't be surprised when a local company announces it's going to change its name. (Who's up for a corporate rebranding retreat?) But Upfront was surprised to see several of them in our Inbox this past week. Maybe it's the recession or that we're slipping into the Dog Days of summer, but nobody seems satisfied with their name. Getting things started was Ochoco Health Systems, a network that includes Prineville's community clinic as well as the community clinics in Bend and Madras. It jumped into the rebranding Black Box and emerged stealthily as Mosaic Medical.

Editor's Note: For the past five weeks we have received Upfront via email from Mick McMenaminuses. This week we received none. Suspecting another belligerent weekend as the reason, we went searching for our itinerate columnist – only to discover that Mick McMenaminuses is missing… His reporter's notebook was the only thing found, bristling in the breeze along Greenwood. Here are the stories he had compiled.

Africa Is Saved!
After a tainted election comparable to the 2000 runoff that allowed the Supreme Court to name George W. Bush president, Zimbabwe's President Robert Mugabe and opposition leader Morgan Tsvangirai have at last signed a deal to end the political crisis. Faced with inflation of over one million percent - by far the highest in the world - Zimbabwe under Mugabe has issues akin to Bend under its current city council. Tsvangirai was forced to find safety in the Dutch Embassy as his followers were arrested and murdered, and the new power-sharing deal (Mugabe at least agreeing to talk about sharing power, that is) intends "to chart a new way of political interaction." Upon signing the deal, AIDS was suddenly cured, Cecil Rhodes reincarnated and returned all of the treasure he stole from the continent, and white suburban kids decided to shave their dreads.

American Socialism
Hear that? Unearthed dust and crackling bones as the Founding Fathers are rolling in their graves. Capitalism has failed; welcome to American Socialism - Where the Federal government can step in close and/or negotiate a buyout of a publicly-held institution (Bear Stearns) and/or invest in others more amiable: Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac. Treasury Secretary Henry Paulson, under the ever-diligent guidance of President Bush, will ask Congress - err, the Saudi Royal Family and China - for funds to back the two giant housing financiers. Each company currently has $2.25 billion in government backing, set some 40 years ago, and a total debt between them of over $1.5 trillion. Trillion. So, the next time you hear politicians slandering Hugo Chavez and Russia for nationalizing entire industries, remember this moment. Or, think back to the golden days of Reagan and the first Bush, when the same financial scandals hit, and involving the Bush brother we don't dare mention, Neil, who was fined $50,000 and banned from banking. Praise George Washington that the free market works so well!

Oh Baby!
This week's Upfront column must begin with congratulations to Thomas Beatie, the 34-year-old Bendite who gave birth to a girl last Sunday. Born a woman, Mrs./Mr. Beatie underwent "gender realignment" surgery (nip, tuck, pull, OWW!) and is legally recognized as a man. Reported to have delivered the child via traditional method (don't ask), Mrs./Mr. Beatie can be thanked for putting Bend on the map - And distracting the rest of the world from our fair, gender-neutral city's many problems, like hyper-inflated housing prices, pathetic governance and overall apathy. Anonymous sources close to City Hall say that in order to overshadow the remaining year's many issues - local transit based solely on imported oil, the continued housing slump and a general malaise among voters - the Mayor and City Council plan to impregnate a salmon with the sperm of a cougar, creating a monster fish that can't find its way home yet eats everything in its path, much like a Bend developer.
Defining Patriotism
Swift Boating without a paddle, the GOP and Democrats ignored our failing economy, the Taliban retaking Afghanistan and growing international cries for a climate treaty to engage in a useless debate over patriotism last week. While Obama (who was once criticized for not wearing a flag pin on his lapel) said that patriotism shouldn't be used as a "political sword" by any candidate, McCain's campaign announced the creation of the "Truth Squad" to defend his record of service. Meanwhile, retired General Wesley Clark said of McCain's time in Vietnam: "Well, I don't think riding in a fighter plane and getting shot down is a qualification to be president." Asked to grant a quote about service and patriotism, President George W. Bush, who served a few months in the Texas Air National Guard before disappearing into a fog of cocaine and floozies, offered, "Karl? Where's Karl? Rove! Turd Blossom? Who's got that fake letter we faxed to Dan Rather? Oh, wait! Is this thing on? Turn that off! You're either with us or against us! 9-11! Osama! Did I say that? I meant Iran…"

Order in the Court!
Baby rapers, oil spillers and gang-bangers be heartened! Gitmo be gone, but the new and utterly bought and sold Supreme Court handed down decisions that will impact us for decades - Much like the President Bush, who nominated its two new Justices, Chief Roberts and Count Weirdly Alito. Let's take a look at these precedents, led by quotes from the new members.Court Weirdly
"I've also represented corporations accused of antitrust violations, and I think that balanced perspective is something that's valuable for a judge."
Chief Justice John Roberts stated this on January 29, 2003, before the Judiciary Committee, explaining how whistleblowers can be fired for cause. Roberts also defended Microsoft against States suing for antitrust as a private lawyer. So, when Exxon Mobil came before the Roberts-led Supreme Court, his sympathies were already known. "So what can a corporation do to protect itself against punitive-damages awards such as this?" asked Roberts during the initial arguments in February, seeming to defend Exxon Mobil for employing a known alcoholic captain for the Exxon Valdez in 1989, who crashed and spilled 11 million gallons of crude oil into Prince William Sound. How oh how can we help this poor corporation? Throw out the $2.5 billion in punitive damages (equaling one week of profits for Exxon Mobil) through some archaic maritime law that compensatory to punitive damages must be 1:1. Ahoy! This precedent will reverse medical malpractice, tobacco settlements and corporate malfeasance lawsuits for years; of course Exxon Mobil would have preferred a slap on wrist but, in a shocking moment of conscience, Justice Alito recused himself because he owns over $100,000 in Exxon Mobil stock.

He’s the sheriff!From Iowa, With Love
So I, Mr. Mick McMenaminsus, was lounging in my 9,689-square-foot mansion in Juniper Ridge, you know, the one beside the top-tier university, near the Les Schwab headquarters, made of recycled radials, of course. My cell phone rings: It's my editor calling from Iowa; he's in a tizzy applying for a FEMA trailer and emergency aid to replace his double-wide with a wrap-around deck and bocce court. Don't worry, he does this every year, Big Muddy don't quit flooding, nor do Federal funds stop flowing, but he won't be back this week (something about proof-of-residence problems or fraud). So, when he asked me, a run-of-the-mill ne'er do well, to write Upfront, I said, "Sure."
"I am the Sheriff"
Giusto. Say it, feel it, "Giusto." Few names conjure respect for elected office like Bernie Giusto; maybe Bernard Kerik, but let's not pick on all the Bernies of the world just yet… Last Friday, the Multnomah County Sheriff told the Oregon Government Ethics Commission that sometimes practice (and position) overrules written policy.
Giusto has been under investigation by the ethics commission for allegedly driving a county vehicle to Seattle with his girlfriend. Never mind the 250 pages of strict guidelines the soon-to-be dethroned Sheriff and staff must follow, Giusto told members of the commission: "The policy is either in effect because I say it is or not in effect because I say it's not, because I am the sheriff."

They don’t care how big tom hanks is. Vatican to Hanks: Get Lost
The Vatican has told Tom Hanks it doesn't want him in church. It's not his religion they have a problem with - it's the movie he's making.
The producers of Hanks' new movie, Angels and Demons, had asked permission to shoot inside two of Rome's historic churches, Santa Maria del Popolo and Santa Maria della Vittoria. Fuhgeddaboudit, said the diocese of Rome.
Angels and Demons is a prequel to the 2006 movie The Da Vinci Code, based on the blockbuster novel of the same name by Dan Brown, which espoused the controversial (at least to orthodox Christians) theory that Jesus had married Mary Magdalene and had children.
Monsignor Marco Fibbi, a diocesan spokesman, told Reuters that the diocese had denied the filmmakers access to the churches because of the movie's subject matter. "It's a film that treats religious issues in a way that contrasts with common religious sentiment," Fibbi said. "Normally we read the script but this time it was not necessary. The name Dan Brown was enough."

New Brass on the Mountain
Three weeks to the day after firing Matt Janney, who served as Mt. Bachelor's president, the ski resort has announced the hiring of Dave Rathbun to take the top position at the mountain.
After what Mt. Bachelor described as a "nationwide search," the result was the hiring of yet another POWDR Corp. (Mt. Bachelor's parent company) employee in Rathbun, who has previously worked as director of marketing, sales, reservations and golf at Killington Resort and Pico mountain, both located in Vermont. Rathbun, who was touted as having more than 20 years of resort experience, will serve as both president and general manager at Bachelor.
POWDR purchased Killington resort as a joint investment with SP Land Co. The pair had plans for a large scale resort development at the base of Killington - not unlike what POWDR has discussed for Mt. Bachelor. However, SP Land backed out of the deal earlier this year over what it said was community opposition, according to the Rutland Herald.

Bo knows guitarsKeeping the Beat Going
BOMP-a-bomp-bomp … bomp-BOMP. If you've ever heard rock-n-roll - whether it was Buddy Holly, Elvis Presley, the Rolling Stones, the Grateful Dead, Bruce Springsteen, U2 or anybody in between - you've heard that beat. It was the creation of Elias Otha Bates, better known to the world as Bo Diddley.
Born in Mississippi and raised in Chicago, he reportedly was inspired to start playing guitar by hearing the great bluesman John Lee Hooker and began his career as a street musician. After several years of doing nightclub gigs he released his first record, "Bo Diddley," in 1955, and it rose to the top spot on the R&B charts.
That song introduced the "Bo Diddley beat," described by Wikipedia as "a rumba-like beat similar to 'hambone,' a style used by street performers who play out the beat by slapping and patting their arms, legs, chest, and cheeks while chanting rhymes." The music scholars say Bo Diddley didn't really invent the beat - that it goes back to West Africa. But what the hell do they know.