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Be Thankful For Your Weekly Serving of Fresh Straight Poop

A gathering of happenings from the previous week.

Monday, Nov. 21
Not exactly super: Bipartisan congressional “supercommittee” can't agree on deficit-reduction plan as Republicans insist on no tax increases … No deal: Egyptian cabinet resigns after violent protests that kill 26, but demonstrations in Cairo's Tahrir Square continue … Tightening the screws: US, Britain and Canada hit Iran with new sanctions in hope of derailing nuclear bomb program; French President Nikolas Sarkozy urges Europe to adopt “new sanctions of unprecedented magnitude” … Brains of the family: Ronan Farrow, son of Woody Allen and Mia Farrow, named one of 32 Rhodes Scholars this year; he graduated from college at 15 and from Yale Law School at 17 … What happens in Vegas: Britain's Prince Harry (he's the unmarried one) visits Las Vegas, goes clubbing with pals, is impressed that he can get free drinks at blackjack tables.

Posted inOpinion

If Your Poop Doesn't Have This Label It's Not the Straight Poop

A gathering a news makers from the previous week.

Monday, Nov. 14
Dazzling insight: Ex-Penn State football coach and accused child rapist Jerry Sandusky says he's innocent but admits “horsing around” in showers with little boys. In retrospect, he says, “I shouldn’t have showered with those kids” … Meanwhile Jack Raykovitz, president and CEO of “Second Mile,” charity Sandusky founded to help troubled kids, resigns … Flavor of the Week: Newt Gingrich joins Mitt Romney at top of GOP candidate field as scandal-plagued Herman Cain drops 11 points since last month … Lost in space: Cain seems befuddled when interviewer asks him about Libya situation, explains, “I've got all this stuff twirling around in my head” … See you in court: US Supreme Court announces it will rule on constitutionality of President Obama's health care plan … Won't see you on court: NBA players reject proposed new labor deal, vote to disband union; Commissioner David Stern says “nuclear winter” is coming for basketball.

Posted inOpinion

The Straight Poop Will Always Continue to Occupy This Space

A gathering of happenings from the past week.

Monday, Nov. 7
Grope of the Week: Sharon Bialek of Chicago says GOP presidential aspirant Herman Cain put hand up her skirt in a car in 1997, fourth woman to make such accusations against him … Bad medicine: Dr. Conrad Murray, personal physician to Michael Jackson, found guilty of involuntary manslaughter for giving Jackson dose of powerful anesthetic that killed him in 2009 … Celebrity fun and games: Brody Jenner gets in brawl outside Hollywood hotel, is hit in head with beer bottle; girlfriend Avril Lavigne wades in, suffers black eye and bloody nose … Lindsay Lohan freed from jail in LA on probation violation charge, checks into rehab, must do community service at county morgue … The high cost of cleanliness: Cleaning woman at Germany's Ostwall Museum mistakes part of million-dollar art work by Martin Kippenberger for stain on floor, scrubs it out.
Tuesday, Nov. 8
Blame the victims: Herman Cain holds press conference, categorically denies sexual harassment charges by various women, says, “Someone is trying to wreck my character.” Hmm, could it be himself? … End of an error: Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi, quite a ladies' man himself, loses his governing majority in parliament, says he'll resign … Weapons of mass deception? Report by International Atomic Energy Agency says Iran appears to be trying to sneakily build nuclear bomb … Goodbye, Smokin' Joe: “Smokin' Joe” Frazier of Philadelphia, who knocked out Muhammad Ali in 1971 “Fight of the Century,” dies of cancer at 67 … When you gotta go: Stainless steel toilet used by Saddam Hussein while imprisoned in Iraq before his execution in 2006 to be displayed in military police museum in US.

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Our Office, Scaled Down: Mark Alvarado on how he reconstructed our building

Our building. For ants.

One day, about a year ago, a guy walked into our office and asked if he could build a to-scale model of our building. This isn't the beginning to a bad joke, this actually happened and the guy said the model would include all the colors, details, cracks, graffiti and everything else about this 100-plus-year-old structure. We agreed to his proposal, even if there were some apprehensions that he was actually just trying to gain access to the building to search for our cache of gold doubloons.
The man was Mark Alvarado and you can see the model he built of the Source
headquarters on the cover of this week's issue. It doesn't include the scaffolding and “sidewalk closed” signs you'll find now, thanks to an ongoing remodel, but the final product is a shockingly accurate portrayal of this historic building… even down to the stickers in the window and the spray-painted alien on one of our walls.

Posted inOpinion

All the Straight Poop on Bieber's Baby and Herman's Harasses

A gathering of news makers from the previous week.

Monday,
Oct. 31
Raising a little Cain: Two women said to have accused Republican presidential hopeful Herman Cain of sexual harassment; first he denies it, then says charge was “baseless,” then admits paying off one woman … In more trouble for The Hermanator, a Wisconsin-based corporation might have illegally funneled $40,000 cash to campaign … Snow job: 300,000 in Connecticut still without electricity six days after snowstorm, and they're tired of excuses from Connecticut Light & Power … Everybody's a capitalist now: Occupy Wall Street movement applies for trademark on the name so it can sell T-shirts, coffee mugs and other tchotchkes … Close call: J.K. Rowling reveals she considered killing off Harry Potter's best friend, Ron Weasley, “out of sheer spite” because she “wasn't in a very happy place” in her life.

Tuesday, Nov. 1
A baby Biebs? Mariah Yeater, 20-year-old groupie from California, files paternity suit against Justin Bieber, claims they had sex backstage when she was 19 and he was 16. Bieber's lawyers say charge is false … Just slightly tasteless: Loudon County, VA Republican Committee sends out email showing President Obama as a zombie with bullet hole in his head; state GOP condemns “disgusting image” … Glad somebody's doing okay: Report by Roll Call shows total net worth of members of Congress topped $2 billion in 2010, up 25 percent since 2008 … B of A blinks: Faced with consumer outrage and loss of customers, Bank of America cancels planned $5-a-month debit card fee … Fool's gold: Goldline, a company touted by Glenn Beck and other right-wing icons, charged with running “bait-and-switch operation” in 19-count California criminal indictment.

Posted inOpinion

Our Promise: There Will Never Be a Straight Poop Deficit Here

A gathering of happenings from throughout the week.

Monday,
Oct. 24
How the mighty have fallen: Libya's transitional government says body of dictator Muammar Qaddafi will be buried in secret grave in desert … Harvest of democracy: Islamist party wins elections in Tunisia, first “Arab Spring” country to hold them …
Tuned out: Netflix stock plunges after company announces it's lost 800,000 US subscribers since it adopted two-tier pricing system … Locked out: White House launches new program to help homeowners avoid foreclosure; critics say it's not enough … Frozen out: New Hampshire campaign staffers of one-time GOP presidential frontrunner Michelle Bachmann quit en masse, say they were treated rudely and not paid … Starved out: Wikileaks says it's out of money because banks will no longer process donations.
Tuesday,
Oct. 25
Cancer, schmancer: Controversial new campaign ad for Republican hopeful Herman Cain shows chief of staff Mark Block puffing cigarette … In spite of (or maybe because of) the ad, Cain tops GOP field in new poll, 4 points ahead of Mitt Romney … Meanwhile Rick Perry, struggling in third place, shakes up staff, hires George W. Bush's old campaign manager Joe Albaugh … Ounce of prevention: Centers for Disease Control recommends boys as well as girls receive human papilloma virus vaccine to prevent cancer … Digging for dirt: Dr. Phil will pay to exhume body of Rebecca Zahau, found dead under strange circumstances in San Diego mansion of billionaire boyfriend in July.

Posted inOpinion

Knocking the Poop Straight Out of the Park Every Week

A look at the weekly happenings from around the world.

Monday, Oct. 17
Popular with the home crowd: Poll finds 67 percent of New Yorkers agree with Occupy Wall Street protesters, including even 35 percent of Republicans … Toke on this: Support for legalizing marijuana hits all-time high (pun intended) as Gallup poll shows 50 percent of Americans favor it, up from 46 percent last year … Book now, avoid the rush: Virgin Galactic, space tourism venture of billionaire Virgin Airlines founder Richard Branson, opens spaceport in Las Cruces, NM; tickets for suborbital flight to cost $200,000 per … This is SO wrong: Sesame Street's YouTube channel back on line after somebody hacks it, puts up porn videos … This is SO French: French police official Jean-Christophe Lagarde alleged to have flown prostitutes to NYC for Dominique Strauss-Kahn. What, there weren't enough hookers in New York?

Posted inOpinion

This Space Occupied By Fresh Straight Poop Weekly

A run down of news events in recent days.

Monday,
Oct. 10
Winning hearts and minds: United Nations report says prisoners in Afghanistan hung by hands, beaten with cables and have genitals twisted until they pass out … Let the “good times” roll: Research shows US household incomes have fallen more since recession (supposedly) ended than during recession … Getting really bad reviews: Iranian actress Marzieh Vafamehr sentenced to year in jail and 90 lashes for making movie government didn't like … Down to the wire: Amber Miller, 27, runs Chicago Marathon while 39 weeks pregnant, goes into labor, gives birth to 7-pound, 13-ounce baby girl shortly after finishing. “Everybody just kind of stared as I'm running by,” she says.

Posted inOpinion

Are You Ready for Some Straight Poop? We've Got It!

Monday, Oct. 3
Are you ready for some hatred? ESPN scrubs Hank Williams Jr.'s “Are you ready for some football?” song from Monday Night Football after Williams, on Faux Noise, compares President Obama to Hitler. Williams claims he was “misunderstood” … Courtroom drama: Tearful University of Washington student Amanda Knox goes free after Italian court overturns conviction for killing Meredith Kercher in 2007 … You don't wanna go there: Emails show White House officials last year warned Obama not to visit Solyndra, the California energy company that went belly-up after collecting half a billion in federal loans … It's good to be queen: Britain's The Guardian newspaper reports Libyan dictator Muammar Qaddafi once offered to step down and become figurehead leader “like the queen of England.” Always thought he'd look nice in a tiara.

Posted inOpinion

Our Fresh Straight Poop Comes With No Monthly Fees

Monday, Sept. 26
This is turning into a routine: Senate approves deal to avert government shutdown Friday; Democrats and Republicans both claim victory … Nyaa, nyaa, can't touch me: Dominique Strauss-Kahn claims former status as chief of International Monetary Fund gives him diplomatic immunity against civil lawsuit by NYC hotel maid who says he raped her … Worth it to shut him up: Charlie Sheen settles suit against “Two and a Half Men” creator Chuck Lorre and Warner Brothers for reported $25 million … No PDAs on SWA: Musician/actress Leisha Hailey says she was kicked off Southwest Airlines flight for kissing her girlfriend, urges gays to boycott Southwest … Guess they aren't that unhealthy: Arch West, former Frito-Lay exec credited with creating Doritos in 1961, dies at age 97.

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