Upfront

Monday,
June 27
Details, details: Michelle Bachman, kicking off presidential campaign in Waterloo, Iowa, says she's proud she was born in same town as John Wayne. Problem: Waterloo was birthplace not of John Wayne but of John Wayne Gacy, serial killer … Blago's busted: Former Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich found guilty of having unpronounceable name and silly haircut. Just kidding. He's convicted on corruption charges … Knock yourself out, kid: Supreme Court rules states can't ban sale of violent video games to children … Dicey: Wildfires force evacuation of Los Alamos Nuclear Laboratory in New Mexico; officials say nothing to worry about. Uh-huh … Two Most Wanted: International Criminal Court issues warrants for arrest of Muammar Qaddafi and son Saif al Islam Qaddafi for “crimes against humanity.”

Monday, June 13
Down the rat hole: Defense Department says it can't account for $6.6 billion in cash that vanished in Iraq, presumably stolen … Don't piss off the Big Guy: Vandals deface Bend's Westside Church with graffiti saying “Praise the FSM” (Flying Spaghetti Monster); “God is the one that’s going to get revenge,” says church official … Snow White and the Six Dwarfs: Michelle Bachman and six Republican men get together for presidential candidates' debate and friendly Obama-bashing session … Not recommended for the acrophobic: Airbus announces it's developing a transparent plane … The thrill is gone? Facebook loses 6 million US users in past year; Mark Zuckerberg apparently unfazed … The thrill definitely is gone: Ex-Playmate Crystal Harris, 24, dumps fiancé Hugh Hefner, 85, less than a week before scheduled nuptials. “It was all happening too fast,” she says. Which isn't usually the problem with 85-year-old men.

Monday, June 6
And now, Weinergate! A weepy Rep. Anthony D. Weiner (D-NY) admits Tweeting gross photo of himself to woman, apologizes, but says he won't resign … Meanwhile House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi calls for ethics probe and right-wing gadfly Andrew Breitbart leaks what he says are more Weiner photos … It wasn't the sprouts: Bean sprouts blamed for Germany's E. coli outbreak exonerated by lab tests … Things are clouding up: Steve Jobs introduces Apple's new iCloud service, says: “We are going to move the digital hub, the center of your digital life, into the cloud” … If they holler, let 'em go: Scientists at the European Organisation for Nuclear Research manage to catch 300 atoms of anti-matter and hold them for 16 minutes.

Monday, May 30
Shook up: In wake of Japan's nuclear disaster, Germany decides not to build any more nuke plants and phase out existing ones by 2022 … Set back: Regime of Libya's Muammar Qaddafi takes a hit as eight top generals defect and flee to Italy … When produce goes wrong: Outbreak of E. coli linked to tainted Spanish cucumbers kills at least 14 in Germany; other European countries close their borders to the deadly vegetables … This is gross: US Rep. Anthony Weiner (D-NY) accused of sending photo of his crotch to woman via Twitter, but DailyKos says analysis shows it was PhotoShopped … This is the grossest ever: “Hangover II” becomes top-grossing comedy movie of all time, grossing more than $138 million over Memorial Day weekend. Did we mention it was really gross?

Tuesday, May 31
Big win for the right to bear rats: National Labor Relations Board rules unions have right to erect 16-foot inflatable rats outside business as protest symbol. Wow, that's a relief … Meeting of the minds(?): Possible presidential candidate Sarah Palin and ex-presidential candidate Donald Trump get together over pizza in NYC. No word on who picked up the check … 'Bye pyramid, hello pie: Obama administration ditches decades-old “food pyramid” in favor of “food pie” as guide to healthy eating. No, not chocolate cream pie … Too funny to be true: Former fundamentalist pastor Ted Haggard, ousted after gay sex scandal, to have cameo role in “Christian sex comedy.” We always thought that was a tautology … Just too funny: Rep. Anthony Weiner lawyers up with view toward possible suit against whoever sent that crotch photo.

Monday,
May 23
Back to the Ould Sod: President Obama – uh, make that O'bama – arrives in Ireland for state visit, has pint of Guinness at local pub, performs a few Riverdance moves. Yes, I made the last bit up … At least 122 confirmed dead, 1,500 missing after Sunday's ferocious tornado in Joplin, MO … Gaga over Gaga: Demand for Lady Gaga's new album, Born This Way, on sale for 99 cents, is so heavy it crashes servers at Amazon … Here we go again: Britain and France escalate conflict in Libya, sending helicopters against Muammar Qaddafi's forces … Ugliness is in the eye of the beholder: Indescribably weird hat worn by Princess Beatrice at royal wedding sells for $130,000 on eBay … No, really, it's coming, trust me: Rapture prophet Harold Camping pronounces self “flabbergasted” that the Rapture didn't happen last Saturday, then predicts it actually will happen on Oct. 21. Okay, as long as it doesn't disrupt the NFL season.

Monday,
May 16
The Impregnator and the Rapinator: Former California Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger reveals he fathered a love child 10 years ago; estranged wife Maria Shriver pleads for “compassion” for herself and children … Ex-International Monetary Fund chief Dominique Strauss-Kahn, accused of raping hotel chambermaid, is picked out of police lineup by alleged victim, undergoes tests for DNA evidence … One out, one in: Donald Trump announces he's bowing out of the presidential race, says he would have won, but “business is my greatest passion, and I am not ready to leave the private sector” … Meanwhile Mitt Romney, at fundraiser in Las Vegas, says he's “activating” his campaign, although he hasn't formally announced yet … Bringing up the rear: Intense interest in Pippa Middleton's ass sparks rise in plastic surgery in Britain as women seek to emulate her “curvy but not too peachy” contours.

Monday,
May 9
High-flying geezers: Former Republican Sen. Alan Simpson, 80, says AARP is “38 million people bound together by love of airline discounts” … Meanwhile, House Speaker John Boehner (R-OH) says Republicans want spending cuts in “trillions, not billions” before they'll OK increase in federal debt ceiling … But he loves dumb blondes: Kevin Allen, a black contestant on “The Apprentice” who was fired by Donald Trump, tells Talking Points Memo that Trump “doesn't like educated African-Americans very much” … “Kicker” reform kicked aside: Measure to put half of Oregon's “kicker” tax refund into rainy-day fund gets sidetracked in state Senate; fate uncertain.

Monday,
May 2
Osama, The Aftermath: US officials say “mother lode” of intelligence seized from compound where Navy SEALS killed Osama bin Laden last week; “hundreds of people” examining contents of computers, thumb drives, etc. … Meanwhile Rush Limbaugh belittles the exploit, says President Obama almost botched it and staged it as re-election ploy. Way to keep it classy there, Rush … Elsewhere in the Middle East: More than 2,000 reportedly arrested in latest crackdown against Syrian protesters, another 5,000 missing … Yes, that's a 1 plus 11 zeroes: Wall Street Journal estimates Facebook stock could be worth $100 billion in initial public offering, making it bigger than Amazon or Cisco.

Monday, April 25
Can't keep a real dick-tator down: Muammar Qaddafi reported “in high spirits” despite NATO air strike that kills three people in his compound … Put on the pads: NFL fans breathe (temporary) sigh of relief as judge rules in favor of players, ends owners' lockout, but season remains in jeopardy … Big-game hunting: Levi Johnston, father of Bristol Palin's baby, plans tell-all book titled Deer in the Headlights: My Life in Sarah Palin's Crosshairs … Don't squeeze those chickens: Oregonians for Humane Farms files to put measure guaranteeing more space for egg-laying hens on next fall's ballot … “Scandal” du jour: The indefatigable Donald Trump says he's now investigating how President Obama got into Columbia and Harvard despite being a “terrible student” … Excitement mounts! Millions of royalty-lovers gear up for Friday's wedding of Prince William and Kate Middleton.

Monday, April 18
Need a bill-payer loan? Standard & Poors lowers long-term credit outlook for US from “stable” to “negative.” Republicans in Congress stick out their tongues and go “Nyaaah, nyaaah!” … Chew on this: Pentagon investigation of Rolling Stone article in which Gen. Stanley McChrystal said, among other things, that Vice President Joe Biden could “bite him” clears McChrystal. Rolling Stone stands by its story … Haven't we seen this movie before? European Union seeks approval from UN to move ground troops into Libya to “secure sea and land corridors inside the country” … Move along, nothing to see here: Scientists surveyed by AP say health of Gulf of Mexico is back to normal one year after BP oil spill disaster … More green shoots: Seasonally adjusted unemployment rates for three Central Oregon counties fall, though all are still in double digits and Crook County's remains highest in state at 15.4%.