Upfront

Monday,
Jan. 31
Second Amendment fun: Utah Legislature considering a bill to make the Browning M1911 handgun the official state firearm. “It’s an implement of freedom that has defended America for 100 years,” said the bill's sponsor, Rep. Carl Wimmer. “This firearm is Utah” … Unconscious irony: Former US Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld, a chief architect of the Iraq war and supporter of torture, wins “Defender of the Constitution Award” from Conservative Political Action Conference. Must be a different Constitution than the one I know … Family squabbles: Barbara Bush, daughter of ex-President George W. Bush, backs gay marriage initiative in New York; her dad supports an anti-gay marriage constitutional amendment … Didn't get the memo: TeleSource Center, a telemarketing outfit, says it's moving to new offices in Bend to accommodate its growth. Somebody forgot to tell them they were supposed to leave Oregon after Measures 66 and 67 passed.

Monday,
Jan. 24Terrorism far and near: Terrorist blast rips main Moscow airport; 35 reported killed, 168 injured … Anti-government fanatics Bruce Turnidge and son Joshua are formally sentenced to death for 2008 bank bombing in Woodburn, OR that killed two police officers and maimed a third. Bruce Turnidge says prosecution is trying to stifle his “freedom of speech” … Guess the calisthenics worked: Fitness pioneer Jack LaLanne, whose popular TV show from the early 1950s to mid-1980s first made it fashionable to sweat, dies at 96 … Say what? Green Bay Packers Safety Charles Woodson tells President Obama – who said he would go to the Super Bowl if his beloved Chicago Bears were in it – that if Obama “don’t want to come watch us at the Super Bowl, guess what? We’re going to see him.” Wonder how the Secret Service will interpret that.

Tuesday, Jan. 25Say what again? President Obama delivers State of the Union address, says this is America's new “Sputnik moment.” Millions of Americans born after 1960 race to Wikipedia to look up “Sputnik” … Tea Party sweetheart Rep. Michelle Bachmann (R-MN) delivers her own rebuttal to the SOTU, replete with gaffes and miscues, including not knowing which camera to look at … Ho-hum: Office of Special Counsel reports George W. Bush administration flagrantly broke federal election laws, using tax dollars to fund political activities. Silence from the punditocracy is deafening … Whacko Watch: Cindy Jacobs, a rising star among right-wing evangelicals, posts video blaming mass bird and fish deaths on Congress's repeal of “Don't Ask, Don't Tell.”

Monday, Jan. 17
Kumbaya time: In the wake of the Tucson massacre, members of Congress try to be more civil. Sens. Tom Coburn (R-OK) and Chuck Shumer (D-NY) say they'll sit together for next week's State of the Union address. No word on whether they will hold hands … Sidelined: Apple mogul Steve Jobs, 55, announces he's taking indefinite leave of absence for health reasons … Quarterback Brett Favre, 41, announces retirement for being-over-the-hill reasons. Sources say he means it this time. No, honest … Hey, nobody's perfect: The New Yorker reveals Rep. Darrell Issa (R-CA), in charge of investigating the Obama administration, has skeletons rattling in his own closet, including arrest for possessing unregistered gun and accusations of car theft and arson … Reassuring: Natalie Portman, accepting Golden Globe award for best actress, tells the world that fiancé Benjamin Millepied “totally wants to sleep with me.”

Monday, Jan. 10
We're Number Three: University of Oregon Ducks lose BCS National Championship to Auburn 22-19 on a last-second field goal, drop to third place in the polls behind Auburn and TCU. Just a little too much Cam Newton and Nick Fairley, not enough LaMichael James … Class act: John Kitzhaber sworn in to unprecedented third term as governor of Oregon, opens inaugural address with the line: “So I guess none of you could get tickets to the game either” … No-class act: Police called to break up a post-game brawl between Auburn and U of O fans outside downtown Bend sports bar … “The Hammer” drops: Former House Majority Leader Tom DeLay of Texas, aka “The Hammer,” gets three years in the hoosegow for political fundraising shenanigans.

Monday, Jan. 14
Sacked: Patrick Flaherty is sworn in as Deschutes County's new district attorney, says it's time for healing. He immediately fires five deputy DA's … Sacked again: Two former massage therapists for the New York Jets sue Brett Favre and the Jets, claiming Favre sent them naughty text messages. “Brett here,” one allegedly says. “[Y]ou and crissy want to get together im all alone [sic]” … Drunkvana? Portland, which calls itself “Beervana” because of all its brewpubs, makes The Daily Beast's list of America's 40 Drunkest Cities, coming in 32nd, ahead of Las Vegas but far behind the leaders, including #1 Milwaukee, WI and #2 Fargo, ND. Yes, Fargo … Ah, young love: Selena Gomez, romantically linked to Justin Bieber, gets death threats from the prepubescent sex god's twittering fans. “@selenagomez stay away from Justin pedophile, retard wait i’m gonna kill ya in the night underneath your smelly bed,” tweets one.

Editor's note: As we usher in a new year and a new decade, we've decided to re-vamp our Upfront column. To our great surprise and delight the decision coincided with the re-emergence of Scoop Lewis, Ace Reporter ™, from self-imposed exile. He's back and ready to give the straight poop on the past week's events every Thursday in the Source.

STATE KILLS THORNY OLD MILL LAND DEAL
Officials with the Department of State Lands confirmed publicly this week that they have nixed a deal for a roughly half-acre property along the bluffs in the Old Mill area. The deal was called into question earlier this year after The Bulletin reported that the owners of the property happened to be the parents of the official who oversees land purchases for the Department of State Lands (DSL), the agency that was mulling the acquisition. The sale was to be the first purchase under a new, yet mysteriously unannounced, program in which the DSL, which typically manages larger rural acres for the benefit of the Oregon school fund, would begin investing in Central Oregon, a move that state officials deemed – amazingly – to be a good bet. Gov. Ted Kulongoski, who sits on the state land board that oversees DSL, ordered the deal be put on hold in October after it was reported that the owners, Dennis Staines and his wife, Virginia, were the parents of DSL manager James Paul IV. It was Paul who put his parents in touch with one of his subordinates, none other than Bend's former urban renewal manager, John Russell, aka the man who “built” Juniper Ridge, about selling the property to the state before recusing himself from the deal. Russell later recommended purchasing the site, despite failing to secure an appraisal for the property.

DA Office Drama Drags On
A deal that would have traded some salary and benefits for deputy prosecutors in exchange for short-term job security appears to be crumbling on the eve of DA-elect Patrick Flaherty's tenure. An attorney representing deputy district attorneys who have banded together in a state-certified collective bargaining union notified Deschutes County administrators on Monday that her clients are rescinding their proposal unless the county commissioners vote on the deal before Jan. 1 when Flaherty is scheduled to take office.

his Week's Sign That Things are Just Fine: Tornados in Oregon
If you're like us, you probably watch those television programs that feature unkempt young men chasing after tornados in armored Ford Escapes and think of the people living in those often-storm-ravaged Midwest locales and say something like, “Isn't it great we live in Oregon where we don't have to worry about tornadoes?” Well, think again.

Jurassic Park, Bend Edition
This past Thursday, Source staffers received an alarming press release from the Deschutes County Sheriff's Office. Apparently, an emu, the flightless bird usually found in Australia, was captured in northwest Redmond. This not only prompted staffers to declare “Second Wayward Emu Located” the best e-mail headline of the day, but also, upon reading the press release, to realize that the emu is not just a flightless bird, but a capable assassin.