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Fresh Straight Poop: Now With More Fiber and Antioxidants

Monday, Sept. 19
This is how it's gonna be: President Obama vows to veto any debt reduction package that doesn't include tax increases on rich … A choice, not an echo: Ralph Nader and other liberal leaders announce plans to field progressive slate in presidential race; Nader says idea isn't to defeat Obama but to sharpen focus on progressive issues … Blood money: Rupert Murdoch's News International Corp. reportedly offers $4.5 million settlement to family of murder victim Milly Dowler for hacking their phones … Yemen's agony: Death toll from two days of clashes between protesters and security forces in Yemen tops 50, including children … Which came first, the ducks or the beavers? Bureau of Land Management says 7-million-year-old fossilized beaver teeth found in Eastern Oregon are earliest evidence of beavers in North America.

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Big End-of-Summer Straight Poop Sale – Stock Up Now!

Monday, Sept. 5
Tell us how you really feel, Jimmy: Teamsters Union President Jimmy Hoffa Jr., warming up Labor Day crowd in Detroit for President Obama, rips into Tea Party: “Let's take these sons of bitches out” … Tea Partiers wail about “violent” rhetoric … In tepid follow-up, Obama promises to support collective bargaining, challenges Congress to pass his forthcoming jobs plan … Euro-trashed: European stock markets and value of Euro plunge on concerns over safety of banks … Postage due: US Postal Service nearing default, facing deficit of $9.2 billion … Well, at least somebody's having a good year: Hollywood scores record-breaking summer, posting box office revenues of $4.4 billion.
Tuesday, Sept. 6
Following the money: Super PAC called “Make Us Great Again” plans to spend $55 million to snag GOP presidential nomination for Texas Gov. Rick Perry … In tape obtained by Mother Jones magazine, right-wing billionaire Charles Koch tells attendees at secret seminar for fellow fat cats that “we have Saddam Hussein” in the White House and 2012 elections will be “the mother of all wars” … Speaking of dangerous reptiles: Hunters in Agusan del Sur, Philippines, catch 21-foot saltwater crocodile, think there are even bigger ones out there … Hello, goodbye: Carol Bartz ousted as CEO of Yahoo; tells employees via email, “I've just been fired over the phone by Yahoo's chairman of the board,” Roy Bostock … Calling Det. Axel Foley: Eddie Murphy, who made some funny movies in the 1980s, to host 2012 Academy Awards show, first time for him.

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Our Straight Poop Is Freshness-Dated for Your Protection

Our Straight Poop Is Freshness-Dated for Your Protection

Monday,
Aug. 29
Ill winds blow Wall Street good: Lower-than-expected damage toll from Hurricane Irene pushes insurance company stocks higher … Hurricanes … in Vermont? Flooding from Irene creates worst natural disaster in Vermont since 1927; at least three killed … Shelter from the storm: Algeria gives asylum to 31 members of Libyan dictator Muammar Qaddafi's family and aides … Mum's the word: Redmond School District announces Redmond High Principal Brian Lemos on leave, won't say why … Encore for the Murdochs: Rupert Murdoch and son James to testify under oath about phone hacking in front of Britain's Royal Court of Justice … Let the birds keep it: Mutant bird flu strain not vulnerable to vaccines appears in Vietnam and China.

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Easy One-Stop Shopping for All Your Straight Poop Needs

Monday, Aug. 22
It's all over! Libyan rebels claim victory, say they've taken control of 95percent of capital city of Tripoli … Maybe it isn't all over! Forces loyal to dictator Muammar Qaddafi still holding on; Qaddafi son tells journalists his dad has shrewdly lured rebels into a “trap” … Yeah, we blew it: NYC District Attorney asks court to drop rape charges against former International Monetary Fund chief Dominique Strauss-Kahn because of alleged victim's credibility problems … Lawyered up: Goldman Sachs CEO Lloyd Blankfein retains hotshot defense lawyer Reid Weingarten as investigations of his role in sub-prime mortgage fiasco continue … Not this time: Rep. Paul Ryan of Wisconsin, Tea Party darling and architect of Republicans' throw-grandma-under-the-train Medicare plan, says he won't run for president this year … Bursting at the seams: GOP presidential hopeful Mitt Romney will triple size of his 3,000-sf, $12 million home in La Jolla, CA; says he needs more room for five grown children and 16 grandkids.

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Our Fresh Straight Poop Is Always Rated AAAAA+

Our Fresh Straight Poop Is Always Rated AAAAA+

Monday, Aug. 1
Playing kick the can: House passes debt ceiling bill containing $2.3 trillion in spending cuts, no revenue increases; sends it on to Senate … Sources say Vice President Joe Biden accuses Tea Party Republicans of “acting like terrorists” in debt ceiling negotiations … Look who's calling names: Russian Prime Minister Vladimir Putin says US is “like a parasite” on global economy … Covering the tracks: Technology firm HCL tells British government it deleted hundreds of thousands of emails for Rupert Murdoch's News International Corp. … Clean getaway: FBI says it's zeroing in on suspect who could be D.B. Cooper, who hijacked airliner and parachuted into Washington woods with $200,000 cash ransom in 1971. One problem: The suspect has been dead 10 years.

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Certified Fresh Straight Poop: It’s Good For You

Monday, July 18Stranger and stranger: John Hoare, former reporter who first blew the whistle on phone-hacking by Rupert Murdoch's News of the World, found dead in his apartment … John Yates, assistant commissioner of Scotland Yard, quits, following lead of top cop Sir Paul Stephenson … Pranksters hack website of Murdoch's The Sun tabloid, post story saying Murdoch found dead … Directors of News Corp. wondering if it's time for Murdoch to go … That explains a lot: Former neo-Nazi pre-teen pop singers Lynx and Lamb Gaede, now 19, say they now embrace diversity. “My sister and I were home-schooled,” explains Lynx … Nothing can explain this: Lionsgate producing new sitcom called “Anger Management” starring Charlie Sheen as a psychotherapist. The irony is almost painful.

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Your Straight Poop Now Available via Streaming Print!

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Monday, July 11
Descending to the depths: Five senior Scotland Yard investigators reported to have had cellphones hacked by Rupert Murdoch's News of the World … The Sun, another Murdoch rag, allegedly stole medical records of former Prime Minister Gordon Brown's infant son, who has cystic fibrosis … Shareholders file suit against Murdoch's News Corp., accusing it of “complete failure” to properly oversee operations at NOTW … Well, this had to happen: St. Martin's Press to publish book by psychiatrist entitled Inside the Mind of Casey Anthony. We really don't want to go there … Just when we needed some good news: Scientists discover “superbug” strain of gonorrhea in Japan that resists all current antibiotics.

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This Straight Poop Compiled Without Hacking: We Guarantee It

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Monday, July 4
Happy Birthday, America: Millions celebrate 235th anniversary of American independence with parades, fireworks, and large amounts of barbecued food and beer … Joey “Jaws” Chestnut wins Nathan's Famous Hot Dog Eating Contest fifth time in row, scarfing 62 dogs … Lotsa luck, Americans: Obama administration ready to offer tens of billions in Medicare and Medicaid cuts to get deal with Republicans on debt ceiling … Fighting back: Lawyers for Dominique Strauss-Kahn plan slander suit against woman who accuses him of sexual assault in 2002 … Long arm of the law: Jack Daniels McCullough, 71, of Seattle charged with murder of 7-year-old girl in Illinois in 1957 after discovery of unused train ticket demolishes his alibi … End of the line: Archduke Otto van Hapsburg, last heir to the once-mighty Hapsburg Empire, dies in Germany, age 98.

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