Amy Alkon
Posted inCulture

Credible Fret and Netflix And Kill

Jealousy gets a bad rap. Sure, it’s sometimes a sign that your self-worth is in the toilet. But it can also be a sign that your boyfriend has been sneaking off to the toilet at work with his boss’s busty assistant.
Amy Alkon

I’m a 34-year-old woman in a two-year relationship with a guy. I’ve never been the jealous type. Yet, I do feel oddly possessive and jealous in this relationship, especially lately. My friends say this a sign I need to “work on” myself. Really? If so, how? What do I need to do? —Worried “Hey, where’s […]

Posted inCulture

Weed Better Get Some Febreze and Angry Bards

Surprisingly, the road to respect and good standing in the 12-step world does not involve strolling into meetings smelling like you live in a one-bedroom bong.
Amy Alkon

I‘m sober, but my boyfriend smokes pot. I’m fine with that, but I don’t want him smoking in the house. He says it’s his house, too, so I’m not being fair. Plus, it is cold in the rural area where we live and rains a lot, so he’d have to put on a jacket, go […]

Posted inCulture

Fade Diet and Fappy Gilmore

It’s hard on the ego to learn why somebody’s leaving you, but it beats needing a Ouija board
Amy Alkon

I got ghosted—dumped by a guy who just disappeared on me, no explanation—after three months of lovey-dovey dating. Clearly, he isn’t a great person, yet I’m unable to stop thinking about him and wondering why he left. How do I accept that it’s over so I can start dating again? —Plagued It’s hard on the […]

Posted inCulture

The Stare Fighter

A single ambiguous signal isn’t a reliable message
Amy Alkon

I’m a 28-year-old woman who has been single for over five years. I’m steering clear of dating sites right now because of how so many guys portray themselves in ways that are very different from how they are in person. But then, in day-to-day life, when I smile at a guy I like, he’ll usually […]

Posted inCulture

Prance Charming and Fort Noxious

However, your friend isn’t wrong; arm candy appears to be the Prada handbag of male competition.
Amy Alkon

My friend is obsessed with dating models. Of course, because he’s dating mostly based on looks, these relationships rarely last. He says that he’s trying to move up in the business world and that being seen with a beautiful woman makes a difference in how he’s perceived. Wouldn’t businesspeople be more impressed if he could […]

Posted inCulture

Paint And Suffering and When The Going Gets Tufted

Some people are just irritating. It doesn’t necessarily have anything to do with their ovaries.
Amy Alkon

I’m doing some work on my landlady’s house. She just CANNOT figure out what color to paint it. Now, when a man paints his house, he goes to Home Depot, grabs a few cans of paint, and starts right in. Simple. Git ‘er done. Not so with a woman. She’ll agonize endlessly over a bunch of paint chips. […]

Posted inCulture

Ambivalence Actually and Paradise Flossed

Having regular sex with you does not give another person the right to rake through your diary like it’s the $1 bin at Goodwill.
Amy Alkon

My boyfriend of two years read my diary and found out that I had expressed feelings for another guy while we were together. I never acted on them (and I wouldn’t have), and I probably shouldn’t have told the guy I liked him. But my boyfriend shouldn’t have been reading my diary! He broke up […]

Posted inCulture

The Arf Of Reading People & Nightlight At The End Of The Tunnel

How great would it be if you could dispatch your German shepherd Tinker Bell into a bar or party to sniff out the human minefields?
Amy Alkon

I’m a woman who judges potential boyfriends by whether dogs like them. My friends think I’m crazy, but I’m convinced that my dog picks up on who a person really is. Is there any research on whom animals are drawn to? —Muttperson Dogs have proved useful for sniffing out drug stashes, dead bodies, and IEDs. […]

Posted inCulture

The Shoo Maker and Cloud None

Wearing bad shoes (like your stanky, hobo-ready sneakers) suggests you lack the social intelligence to dress like a grown-up
Amy Alkon

I’m a single dude in my 30s, and I really want a girlfriend, but I keep striking out with women. My female co-worker says that if I want a relationship, I need to upgrade my shoes. I wear a pair of super-comfy New Balance sneakers that I’ve had since college…yes, even wearing them on dates. […]

Posted inCulture

Waif Watchers You Had Me At Hell

Welcome to female intrasexual competition
Amy Alkon

I’m a 33-year-old woman, and I’ve always been thin. I lost about 12 pounds after a tough breakup. I’m working on getting back to a healthier weight. However, people keep making cutting remarks about how thin I look. Yesterday a friend said, “You’re so skinny it’s gross!” I’d noticed that she’d gained quite a bit […]

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