MONDAY 16 It’s official: the 16-month engagement between Liam “Not Chris” Hemsworth and former Disney princess/current twerking enthusiast Miley Cyrus is KAPUTSVILLE. Various media outlets are reporting their various theories for the split including Chris being mortified by Miley’s weird twerking performance at the VMAs, and Miley being mortified by Chris’ penis, which would reportedly […]
Ann Romano
Posted inOpinion
One Day at a Time
MONDAY 9 Ready for another week of terrible people doing terrible things? Welcome to One Day at a Time! In our shocking, shocking, SHOCKING first story, it seems acquitted murderer George Zimmerman (he of Trayvon Martin fame) is not exactly going to win the “Hubby of the Year Award.” His wife, Shellie Zimmerman, called 9-1-1 […]
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One Day At A Time
MONDAY 2 Get some eye wash ready—because what follows is a headline that could blind you for life: “Kris Jenner Has a Sex Tape.” Yeeeeaughhh! Our eyes! OUR EYES! (Splash, splash.) Unfortunately, it’s true: In a teaser for an upcoming episode of Keeping Up with the Kardashians—which only a true, self-loathing masochist would ever watch—the […]
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One Day at a Time
MONDAY 26 It’s a new week…ready to twerk it? As briefly reported in last week’s edition, overcompensating ex-Disney princess Miley Cyrus twerked up a storm at last night’s MTV Video Music Awards during a performance with Robin Thicke and his grotesque song “Blurred Lines.” During the eye-popping routine, Cyrus handily stripped down to a nude-colored […]
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One Day at a Time
MONDAY 19 As you know, any day that starts with personal hardship for Chris Brown is a good day indeed. And it’s an even better day when an entire country turns against him! CBC News reports that the abusive d-bag singer has been dropped as the headliner for the Energy Rush festival (that plays in […]
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One Day at a Time
MONDAY 12 We have good news and bad news to start off the week, and we’ll let you guess which is which: Abusive a-hole Chris Brown suffered a seizure this past weekend…and apparently it’s YOUR FAULT. According to TMZ, Brown experienced the non-epileptic seizure at a Los Angeles recording studio, but declined hospitalization or treatment […]
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One Day at a Time
MONDAY 5 While our One Day at a Time go-to gals Lindsay Lohan and Amanda Bynes work on their mental issues and sobriety (BOOOOOOO. Just kidding. No really, BOOOOOOO.) who’s going to entertain us? How about America’s number one douchebag, Justin Bieber? Here’s this week’s example of JB douchebaggery: According to the New York Post, […]
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One Day at a Time
MONDAY 29 In a startling turn of events, a Pope said something today that was actually reasonable. In an interview aboard the papal aircraft (which we’ve nicknamed, “Our Airline of Perpetual Sorrows”), Pope Francis was asked how he felt about gay priests and responded, “We shouldn’t marginalize people for this.” Wait. Wait, wait, wait, waitwaitwaitwaitWAIT. […]
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One Day at a Time
MONDAY 22 Though One Day at a Time usually focuses on the most terrible aspects of the human condition, today we devote our attentions to life! In particular, the birth of the royal baby! Born to the Duchess and Duke of Cambridge, the bouncing baby boy weighed in at 8 lbs., 6 oz. and…WAIT. THIS […]
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One Day at a Time
MONDAY 15 Let’s start by checking in on the “First Family of Monstrosities”: the Kardashians! As we know, Kim and Kanye West’s new baby North West is going to be the worst thing that’s ever happened on this planet ever. Why? Because now the Kardashians have something new to exploit. Example: Instead of focusing on […]
