MONDAY 8 Once an absolutely darling teen heartthrob, now an insufferable 19-year-old prick, Justin Bieber is apparently doing everything he can to attain the ultimate pinnacle of douchiness. TMZ unveiled a video today depicting young Mr. Bieber and a gaggle of his backward baseball cap-wearing buddies leaving a nightclub through the establishment’s kitchen…when Justin stops […]
Ann Romano
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One Day at a Time
MONDAY 1 Impossible as it may sound, some people are actually claiming that motherhood has changed howling seahag Kim Kardashian into a (what??) somewhat bearable person. “When I walked in to see her, Kim was holding the baby,” said unreliable witness and Pussycat Dolls founder Robin Antin to Us Weekly. “I said, ‘Oh, my god. […]
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One Day at a Time
MONDAY 24 It’s been a big week for gay rights, abortion fights, and racist, homophobic, and incredibly annoying celebs—so let’s dive right in! As gleefully reported last week, celebrity racist (oh, and she cooks shitty Southern food, too) Paula Deen was FIRED for admitting to spouting racist epithets in the not-too-distant past. (Her excuse? She’s […]
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One Day at a Time
MONDAY 17 Exciting news, kiddos! As we reported last week, we couldn’t give two shits whether Kim Kardashian and Kanye West’s baby was born or not…however, we DO care very deeply about what idiotic name they’ll bestow upon the unlucky little girl. And thus far? They refuse to officially release the name. But! We unofficially […]
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One Day at a Time
MONDAY 10 Today begins with two young adults—both of whom represent America in their own special way. Our first young adult is confessed NSA whistleblower Edward Snowden who turned over thousands of classified documents to England’s The Guardian, blowing the lid off the pervasive spying on U.S. citizens that our government claims protects us from […]
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One Day at a Time
MONDAY, JUNE 3 For the love of all that’s holy…can someone please take away Amanda Bynes’ Twatter account? For example…CASE IN POINT 1: After famously twattering she would like rapper Drake to “murder her vagina,” she’s apparently changed her mind, writing “Drake has the ugliest smile, ugly gums uneven teeth ugly eyes.” (For those just […]
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One Day at a Time
MONDAY 27 This just in: Amanda Bynes was NOT “slapped on the vagina” by police—at least according to the police. Why are the police being accused of slapping Amanda Bynes on the vagina? Apparently she’s still very bottom-sore over last week’s arrest when police arrived at her residence, and she responded by tossing a bong […]
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One Day at a Time
MONDAY 20 As we’ve begrudgingly reported several times over the past few months, the single worst creature that has ever been birthed into any universe, Kim Kardashian (also known as Cthulhu, who shall bring about Ragnarök, who bleeds acid and feasts on puppies) is having a baby. With Kanye West. And this baby may or […]
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One Day at a Time
MONDAY 13 We start this week with a subtle message from Lindsay Lohan, currently serving a court-ordered sentence in the Betty Ford clinic: “LET MEEEE OUTTA HEEERE!!” As reported last week, Lindsay was desperately avoiding rehabs that might take away her beloved Adderall prescription (which she claims soothes her attention deficit disorder), and sure enough, […]
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One Day at a Time
MONDAY, MAY 6 Tonight marked one of the biggest social events of the year: the Met Costume Institute Gala, which is hosted by Vogue editor-in-chief Anna Wintour and provides Hollyweird stars with the opportunity to make high-profile asses out of themselves. FOR EXAMPLE: This year’s theme was “PUNK: Chaos to Couture” in which celebs such […]