Perhaps you or someone you love saw The Hurt Locker—director Kathryn Bigelow’s Oscar-winning story of a bomb-defusing sergeant in the Iraq war who can’t disengage from his duties and ends up returning to the country for multiple tours. And perhaps someone or someone you love thought it wasn’t “American” enough. Well, do I have the […]
Wm.™ Steven Humphrey
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Brain Dead
Lucy uses maybe five percent of its brain
Picture your college roommate Seth. You know, the incorrigible stoner who could spend hours waxing philosophic on the tiniest particles of the universe? And how each of these particles make up the very fabric of life? Hence the most powerful person in the world is basically the atomic twin of a fly alighting on a […]
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Let’s Do it Again
22 Jump Street: Bring on number 23!
Hollywood is littered with the decaying carcasses of failed sequels. But 22 Jump Street—the follow-up to the implausibly funny 21 Jump Street starring Jonah Hill and Channing Tatum—not only overcomes “the curse of the sequel,” it laughs in the curse’s face, shoves it down the stairs, and laughs some more. Then it feels bad about […]
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Cool Spidey Story, Bro
The Amazing Spider-Man 2: Now with twice the douche!
Remember 2012? That was the year we got the Spider-Man reboot no one really asked for. To be fair, Andrew Garfield’s nebbishy Peter Parker was an improvement over Tobey Maguire, and the addition of Emma Stone (as Spidey’s girlfriend Gwen Stacy) was critical, because YAY everything Emma Stone. And yet? It was still roughly the […]
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The Fast and the Envious
Rush: A Peek into Ron Howard's Mind
Director Ron Howard’s new biopic Rush—about rival Formula One drivers in the '70s—is good. It’s not great, and it’s not "meh"… it's just solidly “good.” In other words, it's exactly what one would expect from solidly “good” director Ron Howard. However, a closer look makes one suspect that Rush says more about its director than […]
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Apocalyp-dicks
This Is the End Provides rapturous laughs
There are many good laughs to be had in This Is the End—perhaps the first apocalypse movie centering around a Hollywood brat pack—but the best moment comes when pop star Rihanna slaps the ever-loving shit out of Arrested Development's Michael Cera. It is a slap for the ages, and so very, very gratifying. It's worth […]
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Typing is Hard
Every day someone tells me, “Wm.™ Steven Hump-Me? You got it EEEEEEEASY. All you do is sit around on your spectacular honey-baked ham and watch TV! I call that: EEEEEEEASY.” Well, it’s not so EEEEEEEASY! I thought this TV criticizing gig would be the EEEEEEEASiest job in the world—until I discovered there’s a considerable amount […]
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Stop… Please. Just Stop.
Seriously. Guys. Seriously. Just stop. Stop it, stop what you’re doing… just… STOP. I realize you think you’re doing the correct thing—but in reality? You’re doing the opposite of the correct thing, which is the wrong thing. And as it turns out, you’re doing a LOT of these wrong things. Like what for example? Here […]
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Good Cop Bad/Bad Cop Good
[Hey Readers! I’m going on vacation this week—and all I’m taking is my computer and the best dirty cop show of all time, The Shield! Currently you can stream seasons one and two (with the rest of the series to follow) for free at crackle.com—and to remind you of how awesome this show was, here’s […]
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Hell Is For Who?
Jean-Paul Sartre famously once wrote, “Hell is other people.” I famously disagree, Jean-Paul Sartre! Rather, I think hell is CERTAIN people. For example: People who quote Jean-Paul Sartre in their opening sentences. People who don’t flush their poop in public restrooms. (Seriously, what is up with that?) People who defend Chris Brown on Twitter. People […]