Kirstin is a wife, mom and a pastor at New Hope Church in Bend, where she has worked in family ministry for 16 years. She and her husband, Tyler, have two daughters, Avaree (14) and Maycie (11). When she doesn’t have her nose stuck in a book, she loves family time, riding bikes on the river trail and having friends over for dinner.
Will you share one highlight of motherhood?
I thought I'd mourn the loss of my kids being "little." Like most parents, the pre-teen and teen years scared me, if I'm honest, but as my girls have entered this new phase, I'm finding it to be such a sweet time. I cherish the moments when they suddenly pour out their hearts (always right before bed when I'm exhausted, of course) and I'll never forget the nervous giggles when my almost 14-year-old recounted the boy who planned to ask her on her first date (which she politely declined... phew!).
What do you hope your children will take with them into adulthood?
My husband and I always remind ourselves that we aren't raising kids, we're raising adults. We "imagine the end" when our kids are 18 and on their own, so we're more concerned with who they are than what they do. I hope we've helped shaped their hearts to desire the right things and the right choices for themselves.
What has it been like to be a full-time working mom juggling your professional aspirations and home life?
I've always felt a little torn between this calling and also the calling I feel to be a mom. I am so blessed with a husband who has encouraged me and arranged his schedule to support my working. Being a pastor family who cares for other families hasn't been without sacrifice, but my kids love that their mom puts on "the best" events for the community, like Pumpkin Patch and Easter Party and that they get to be a part of it all. Now, as they get older, they love to be a part of serving others as well.
How is being a children's pastor like being a parent?
Things I've said as a parent and as a kid's pastor are, "We don't eat playdough," "How many boxes of goldfish crackers do we have left?" "This is a glitter-free zone." and "You are loved no matter what."
What is your advice for parenting this upcoming generation?
Every child needs to hear another voice saying the same thing a loving parent says. I'm learning this first-hand. Even though my kids might not want to tell me everything, they have other trusted adults in their life they can talk to. Statistics (RAAP data) show that kids who don't have at least one other trusted adult in their lives are more likely to engage in risky behaviors and are more likely to experience depression and thoughts of self-harm. Parents, it's time to widen our circle of influence and invite other trusted adults into the lives of our kids.
If you could travel back in time and give yourself one piece of advice when you were in the throes of raising young children, what would it be?
I would remind myself that my kids don't need me to be perfect and that more is accomplished through my honest admission of my shortcomings than trying to hold it all together. And I would say, "I'm sorry" and "Forgive me" more often. I want my kids to know that they don't have to be perfect, because I didn't hold myself to an impossible standard of perfection, either.
What are some of the biggest issues facing parents in our community?
At New Hope, we've been focused this past year on parenting with mental health in mind. A child's mental health has the power to influence everything in their world. It's almost a guarantee that your child or someone they know will struggle with a mental health challenge. Depression, anxiety and other emotional challenges are on the rise. We know it and feel it as parents. Access to resources, training for parents and developing a faith that is relevant is where I'm focused when it comes to supporting parents this year.
