Editorial

The author has been sent on the road to discover a lost country formerly known as America. He is reporting from Great Wall Chinese Buffet, hoping to see Presidents Obama and Hu, on assignment for Or-Bust.com and The Source Weekly.

President Obama is in China for a critical lovefest with President Hu, hoping our allowance doesn't get cut off. Touring the Forbidden City, where all of our debt is hidden from the eyes of the 1.35 billion Chinese who aren't eating all that well, nor concerned about hunting ghosts. In the hall of “Supreme Harmony” Obama then begged Hu for more money – err harmony – to underwrite our health care, multiple wars, bailouts, unemployment extensions, and a new initiative code-named “Year of the Rat.” Another sign of how out of touch Americans are (hey, it's football season and “Law & Order” is on next… ) a recent CNN poll showed 71% view China as “an economic threat” while 51% view it as a “military threat.” Ain't that sweet? Kind of like the roommate who is two months late with rent, hasn't paid a utility bill since moving in, but sits with his/her bong each day watching the cable TV you're paying for viewing you as an “economic threat.” Because, should you ask him/her to finally pay-up, his/her next bag of nugs and beer might not miraculously appear. FYI: China owns $763.5 billion of our $1.886 trillion total debt, which is about what we'll spend on our awesome military this year, should China say, “Hey, dude, about the rent… “

The author has been sent on the road to discover a lost country formerly known as America. He is reporting from K Street, mourning the loss of lobbyists under Obama, on assignment for Or-Bust.com and The Source Weekly.

Congratulations to Nancy Pelosi, the embattled Speaker of the House, and many thanks to President Obama for putting his cred on the line to give us all health care – well, 96% of us (are you one of the lucky many?). The alternative: fines and possible imprisonment if we don't buy one of the industry profit-generating schemes – err, generous plans. 1,990 pages and costing $1.2 trillion, the House passed the legislation 220-215, with all but one Republican showing an utter lack of “compassionate conservatism” (oh Dubya, we weep tears of laughter and pain for you, and us) for over-taxed, under-served, ill and angry American voters.

The author has been sent on the road to discover a lost country formerly known as America. He is reporting from Big Pink, letting his creative juices fester, on assignment for Or-Bust.com and The Source Weekly.
A Year Later
Oprah was weeping, Michelle as elegant as Jackie-Ohhh, and Barack's hair not so gray. Now the ballroom is empty, balloons, confetti and used condoms on the floor, yet hot air still lingering. Where did the time go? This week we celebrate the anniversary of Obama's historic win over creepy McCain and psycho Palin. Let's look at the progress: Hate crimes now include sexual orientation, gender or gender identity (legislation aptly attached to a $680 defense spending bill, including another $130 billion for Afghanistan and Iraq); obviously we're remaining in the aforementioned foreign countries and now using drones to blast suspected terrorists in Pakistan and God knows where else; “Don't ask, don't tell” may be overturned; Cheney remains free and un-indicted; GITMO is still a BDSM icon and no one wants its occupants… Yep, a year after electing an über-liberal-socialist-muslim-non-caucasian, we've gone gay, remain violent and our 2nd Amendment rights still intact, yet utterly unemployed. Don't get pessimistic, though: The stock market is cranking, new GDP figures showed a leap in industry (mostly due to government spending); Ford posted a surprising $997 million profit; and New Orleans has been rebuilt – Its football team, at least.

The author has been sent on the road to discover a lost country formerly known as America. He is reporting from a party, surrounded by murderers and ghosts, Palins and Obamas, wondering if it's already 2012 or only Halloween, on assignment for Or-Bust.com and The Source Weekly.
SWINE!
In case you haven't heard, don't go looking for any H1N1 vaccines because they grow it in eggs. Yep, that's right, protection from the “swine flu” is created in chicken eggs – Our nightmares of mutant Wilbur-Henny-Pennys will soon be reality. This shouldn't be a headline, nor should any flu be declared a national emergency (surely another of Obama's Muslim-Socialist attempts to control our lives and take away our guns) with winter approaching. Relax, wash your hands often, and watch “28 Days Later.”