Editorial

The author has been sent on the road to discover a lost country formerly known as America. He is reporting from your doorstep, caroling and reeking of eggnog, still dazed after finishing Season 2 of Or Bust, on assignment for Or-Bust.com and The Source Weekly.

Tummy Tucks for Everyone!
Happy holidays to the health care industry came in the form of a crucial Senate 60-40 test vote at 1am Sunday morning – A promised GOP filibuster can be easily ignored and any real change unlikely as trillions will now be spent on sex changes, Brazilian waxes, tree hugging, global warming myths and other things that Liberals love. No competing government option is included (thanks to Al Gore's also-ran VP pal Joe Lieberman (DEM/IND/GOP/ASS – CT) and women's choices are severely limited; Dems didn't need GOP votes but caved-in to their every taboo in the pending legislation. Republican National Committee Chairman Michael Steele said the lack of debate on the bill amounts to “flipping a bird to the American people.” Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid called Steele's comments offensive, then laughed and went in a back room, a plume of cigar smoke escaping, to count fresh donations to the Democratic Party from the insurance, pharmaceutical, HMO, organ harvesting, Afghan opium farming and porn industries.

The author has been sent on the road to discover a lost country formerly known as America. He is reporting from a nearby Christmas display, protecting baby Jesus from fascist secularists, on assignment for Or-Bust.com and The Source Weekly.

What a week it has been for sound bites and babble! President Obama baffled all of us, the stress of the job obviously affecting his eloquence, while announcing 30,000 more troops for a war we have no intention of winning, “Even as we dig our way out of this deep hole… ” Is he asking for a ladder or merely interested in digging deeper? Then, while accepting the Nobel Peace Prize, he said, “I do not bring with me today a definitive solution to the problems of war.” Um, ok… Peace bro! “I didn't run for President to bail out a bunch of fatcats.” he added on 60 Minutes, pointing to how distressed Goldman Sachs employees are this holiday season, with only $22 billion in bonuses, closing with, “There shouldn't be anything confusing about that.”
Armed with facts and a nervous tick, Dr. Christina Romer, Chair of the President's Council of Economic Advisers, then invoked FDR on Meet The Press, saying the newly passed financial regulations are “Rules of the Road” that won't hurt business at all, “Of course we want them to return to profitably, and we want them to return to lending… ” Cool! I need a new Discover card and house I can't afford.

The author has been sent on the road to discover a lost country formerly known as America. He is reporting from the Climate Change Summit in Copenhagen, convincing attendees that everything's fine, no need to worry, and that President Obama isn't really president, on assignment for Or-Bust.com and The Source Weekly.

No wonder our credit cards are about to be taken away. Jim Inhofe (R-OK) has declared himself a “one-man truth squad” while ambushing President Obama's trip to the Climate Change Summit in Copenhagen, mumbling repetitiously, “greatest hoax ever perpetrated… Every day something new comes out that debunks the science… ” This is the same fine elected representative from Oklahoma (born in Iowa) who cites the Bible during major policy decisions (Jesus is a lobbyist for the petroleum and coal industries, if you didn't know) and has coined the term “Climategate,” saying ever so respectfully at the Environment and Public Works Committee, “We won, you lost, now get a life.” One ray of hope locally is Madeline (Moey) Newbold, a Redmond high grad, studying at the University of Oregon who raised enough money to send herself to Copenhagen where she is blogging about the summit at http://www.moeyincph.blogspot.com/

The author has been sent on the road to discover a lost country formerly known as America. He is reporting from the White House, trying to explain to Secret Service how he crashed Malia and Sasha Obama's pajama party, wearing a violet tubetop and Hawaiian grass skirt, on assignment for Or-Bust.com and The Source Weekly.

Did anyone see a different ending to this? Maurice Clemmons was shot and killed in south Seattle early Tuesday, after walking into a coffee shop and shooting four cops dead on Sunday. Following several standoffs and cops arresting an undisclosed number of people who had “helped” Clemmons (which will surely help relations between locals and cops, and prevent a similar episode in the future), this is how most cop killings end – killed by cops. Yet Clemmons is a special kind of psycho: Reportedly, he forced his relatives to undress, to be “naked for at least five minutes on Sunday” and believed he was Jesus and could fly; in May, Clemmons punched a sheriff's deputy in the face.

The author has been sent on the road to discover a lost country formerly known as America. He is reporting from a couch in New York in a tryptophan haze, hopeful of a long nap and no more food for at least a week, on assignment for Or-Bust.com and The Source Weekly.

How's this for an apology? “There's also people who feel – and are right – that there's some meaningful things where we may have – not may have, certainly our industry is responsible for things. And we're a leader in our industry, and we participated in things that were clearly wrong, and we have reasons to regret and apologize for.” Gee, thanks! I feel better, don't you? Those were the words of Goldman Sachs CEO Lloyd Blankfein, speaking at a New York forum for corporate board members this week. Blankfein made $73.2 million last year and recently said bankers are doing “God's work.” Good thing God wanted Goldman Sachs to take $12.9 billion in bailout funds only months ago (then report a nearly $3 billion profit) after selling $40 billion in risky bonds without telling investors it was also betting on a housing market collapse. Good upstanding Americans, capitalists and philanthropists: While apologizing for using us like a fluffer on a porn shoot, Blankfein announced a $500 million program for small business, which is 2.5 percent of the $20-plus billion in estimated bonuses Goldman Sachs will pay its felons/employees this year.