My Specific Valentine

When writing a piece about movies to watch with your spouse, partner, significant other or all by your damn self for Valentine’s Day, I found myself focusing on the futility of such an endeavor. Every single relationship is different, obviously, but even more specific are the things that each one of us defines as romantic or sexy or intimate. Defining what makes a great Valentine’s Day movie is like trying to define what makes a perfect cloud or a flawless sunset. There are many different things that can make one great, but true perfection is only recognizable when you see it.

With that said, there are lots of romantic movies to watch with your person, people or wonderful self. Here are 11 perfect ones, specifically tailored to the type of relationship you’re in, curated by yours truly… with love.

For that new relationship where you’re gonna ignore the red flags for a bit longer because the sex is fire and you both like watching movies together: “True Romance” — While this movie is genuinely romantic with truly incendiary chemistry between Christian Slater and Patricia Arquette, many lives could have been saved if they would have walked away from each other after the opening scene. Still, it’s hard not to root for those crazy kids.

For that couple that keeps breaking up and getting back together because they’re terrified of change: “Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind” — There are a lot of reasons Clementine and Joel find themselves together again. Maybe it’s because they’re truly each other’s soulmates. Or maybe it’s because they’re afraid they won’t find the kind of love that they’re really looking for. Either way, this love is doomed and beautiful and I’m here for it.

For the couple that hides their remarkable levels of kink beneath a fairly square exterior: “Phantom Thread” — You know that couple. Are you that couple? The one that’s conservative in the streets and freaks in the sheets? P.T. Anderson’s underrated romantic classic gives permission to those that are a touch ashamed of their fetishes and says that the only way to truly find happiness is to be proud of the person you are, in public and in private.

For those discovering their queerness for the first time: “But I’m a Cheerleader” — Sometimes a repressive environment doesn’t allow us to be our truest self and that will usually stunt our growth into our best selves. It can take coming face-to-face with what really gets our butterflies flying in order to unapologetically accept ourselves. “But I’m a Cheerleader” gave an entire generation of LGBTQ+ youth a chance to feel seen and heard and remains one of the greatest queer movies of all time.

For the single person needing a good cry: “Her” — While on the surface “Her” is about a nerd that falls in love with an OS, it’s all in service of the idea that sometimes when we’re in love, our partner evolves past us into someone we don’t recognize anymore… and that’s OK. We’re not all with our person right now, but that doesn’t mean they’re not out there waiting for us.

For those two people that we see conversing across the room and we know they’re falling in love in real time: “Before Sunrise” — You’ve seen it, maybe you’ve experienced it — where you’re in a conversation with someone that’s so profoundly life changing that you’re willing to burn your life down to keep it going. This movie is simply two people walking around, having a conversation and falling for each other and it’s absolutely perfect.

For the shy, single person who unapologetically remains a hopeless romantic: “Amélie” — There’s something about the very French “Amélie” that makes it look like the actual act of falling in love is the grandest adventure one can have, and there’s something quite beautiful about that. Remaining uncynical about romance is a gift and “Amélie” shares it with all of us.

For the sub in search of a dom: “Secretary” — This movie ran so “Fifty Shades” and “Babygirl” could walk. Intense, erotically charged and probably problematic, “Secretary” (all the way back in 2002) tried to show the world that consent is sexy and that yucking other people’s yums is never the right choice.

For the queer bohemian hustlers on a path of self-discovery in the Pacific Northwest: “My Own Private Idaho” — This is pretty specific, but if you’ve been in Portland enough, it’s still pretty relevant. While romance is barely a thought in the film, the trust and friendship intrinsic in Mike and Scott’s relationship is a very special kind of love.

When you’re both radical leftists: “My Beautiful Launderette” — Watch it with those you love and get riled up all over again. Boy that feels good.

For those just wanting to vent about their ex: “Tangerine” — Two trans sex workers walking across L.A. to get to a doughnut shop becomes a true odyssey of human emotion. This movie does a beautiful job reminding you that the no-good ex you keep thinking about isn’t worth another moment of your life.

Yes, there are obviously movies specifically designed for the holiday like “Valentine’s Day,” “The Notebook” and “About Time,” but all of us are different, and a lot of times Hollywood’s vision of romance is a little too broad for the singular sensation that is you. Find the movies that speak to your specificity and, whether you’re spending this V-Day alone or with your partner, know that you are loved, seen and oh-so very special.

This article appears in The Source Weekly February 6, 2025.