The Soccer Bowl

There were some unhappy faces at the Left Field desk on New Year’s
Eve day as we sat unhappily clanking away at the keyboard as the Sun
Bowl kicked off in El Paso, Texas where Oregon State was taking on 20th
ranked Pittsburgh. The Beavers were playing in a bowl game and we were
at work; an injustice of the highest sorts.

But the fears of
missing out on one of our region’s biggest games of the year were
quickly quelled when we accidentally came across the final score – OSU
3, Pitt 0. Three points in 60 minutes of play…that’s it. It might as
well have been a soccer game. There might as well have been
unintelligible chants emanating from the mouths of scarf-wearing,
confetti-tossing fans. The players might have well spent several
minutes of the game rolling on the ground holding their shins- we doubt
anyone would have noticed.

If there ever was a game to have missed this season, this was it. Columnists and Sportscenter anchormen called it a “defensive battle.” That wasn’t a defensive battle, that was just boring and we didn’t need to see the game to know that. Shit, even reading the box score was boring. All it shows is a field goal by Justin Kahut late in the second quarter. That’s it.

But, like soccer, most of the game was spent kicking the ball back and forth (the teams combined for a shocking 20 punts) after each teams’ offenses repeatedly fizzled. We couldn’t tell from the “highlights” but we’re pretty sure the Beavers and Panthers met up at midfield and drank tea for most of the third quarter. The fourth quarter, as far as we can tell, was spent with the squads complimenting each other’s footwear. Again, we didn’t see the game, but that’s the best excuse we can come up with to explain the lowest scoring bowl game in 50 years.

If you didn’t catch on yet, soccer is boring. -Mike Bookey

This article appears in Jan 8-14, 2009.