MONDAY 21 The day the world dreaded for months has finally arrived: Kanye West proposed to Kim Kardashian. (Oh dear god noooooooo!) The “Gold Digger” singer officially proposed to the gold-digging monster today during a secret surprise visit to San Francisco’s AT&T Park, where he had the words “PLEEEASE MARRY MEEE!!” flash on the Jumbotron. […]
One Day at a Time
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One Day at a Time
MONDAY 14 This just in: Kanye West is a big, dumb snob. As he constantly reminds us, Kanye is the best thing to happen to the fashion world since Coco Chanel slipped into a pair of men britches—and so, is totes embarrassed by his no-style, Sears-shoppin’ baby mama Kim Kardashian. In a ridiculously wrongheaded attempt […]
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One Day at a Time
MONDAY 7 Let’s start with some news that the Kardashian family hopes we’ll give two shits about: Karkrashian matriarch Kris Jenner and freakish-looking hubby Bruce Jenner are separated! OH NO! How can this possibly be…that we could not care less about this rotting piece of non-news? “We are living separately and we are much happier […]
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One Day at a Time
MONDAY 30 In a shocking—SHOCKING!—turn of events, Republicans have once again turned against the people who elected them by causing a government shutdown, furloughing 800,000 workers without pay…all in a failed attempt to insure that our country’s neediest citizens remain without health insurance. Hmmm…that makes sense! If you’re Darth Vader. But instead of blowing up […]
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One Day at a Time
MONDAY 16 It’s official: the 16-month engagement between Liam “Not Chris” Hemsworth and former Disney princess/current twerking enthusiast Miley Cyrus is KAPUTSVILLE. Various media outlets are reporting their various theories for the split including Chris being mortified by Miley’s weird twerking performance at the VMAs, and Miley being mortified by Chris’ penis, which would reportedly […]
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One Day at a Time
MONDAY 9 Ready for another week of terrible people doing terrible things? Welcome to One Day at a Time! In our shocking, shocking, SHOCKING first story, it seems acquitted murderer George Zimmerman (he of Trayvon Martin fame) is not exactly going to win the “Hubby of the Year Award.” His wife, Shellie Zimmerman, called 9-1-1 […]
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One Day At A Time
MONDAY 2 Get some eye wash ready—because what follows is a headline that could blind you for life: “Kris Jenner Has a Sex Tape.” Yeeeeaughhh! Our eyes! OUR EYES! (Splash, splash.) Unfortunately, it’s true: In a teaser for an upcoming episode of Keeping Up with the Kardashians—which only a true, self-loathing masochist would ever watch—the […]
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One Day at a Time
MONDAY 26 It’s a new week…ready to twerk it? As briefly reported in last week’s edition, overcompensating ex-Disney princess Miley Cyrus twerked up a storm at last night’s MTV Video Music Awards during a performance with Robin Thicke and his grotesque song “Blurred Lines.” During the eye-popping routine, Cyrus handily stripped down to a nude-colored […]
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One Day at a Time
MONDAY 19 As you know, any day that starts with personal hardship for Chris Brown is a good day indeed. And it’s an even better day when an entire country turns against him! CBC News reports that the abusive d-bag singer has been dropped as the headliner for the Energy Rush festival (that plays in […]
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One Day at a Time
MONDAY 12 We have good news and bad news to start off the week, and we’ll let you guess which is which: Abusive a-hole Chris Brown suffered a seizure this past weekend…and apparently it’s YOUR FAULT. According to TMZ, Brown experienced the non-epileptic seizure at a Los Angeles recording studio, but declined hospitalization or treatment […]