Editorial
Posted inOpinion

The Long-Overdue OLCC Intervention

In an intervention, the friends and family of somebody who's addicted to booze, drugs, gambling or whatever get him in a room and grill him
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In an intervention, the friends and family of somebody who's addicted to booze, drugs, gambling or whatever get him in a room and grill him intensively to persuade him to clean up his act.
Last week, Gov. Ted Kulongoski's office staged an intervention with the Oregon Liquor Control Commission. It was long overdue. And we sure as hell hope it works.
What prompted the intervention was a history of serious friction, going back years, between local bar, restaurant and event managers and OLCC Bend Regional Manager Jason Evers. The liquor dispensers accused Evers of acting like a banana republic dictator, enforcing OLCC rules arbitrarily, irrationally, inconsistently and in some cases vindictively.

Posted inOpinion

Take A Hike: Bill to the rescue, Touristas, the Apple conspiracy and more!

The author has been sent on the road to discover a lost country formerly known as America. He is now missing and most likely deported,
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The author has been sent on the road to discover a lost country formerly known as America. He is now missing and most likely deported, on assignment for Or-Bust.com and The Source Weekly.
What Can't Bill Clinton Do?
When he isn't advising Hillary on foreign policy and interns on career paths, former President Bill Clinton is meeting with – What? Really? “Dear Supreme Leader” Kim Jong-Il in North Korea? Wait – Fact check! Oh ok, this makes sense: Clinton was in Pyongyang on Tuesday to try to free two CurrentTV “journalists” (Bill's VP Al Gore owns CurrentTV, enough said) who were sentenced to twelve years of hard labor after being arrested on the North Korea-China border earlier this year. Further clarification: Laura Ling and Euna Lee are getting so much attention because one of them is related to a celebrity, and hey, Bill digs babes. Regarding the unusual visit by the VIP, Asia analyst Mike Chinoy offered the obvious, “I suspect that it was made pretty clear in advance that Bill Clinton would be able to return with these two women; otherwise it would be a terrible loss of face for him.”

Posted inOpinion

Crater Lake Faces Chopper Invasion

Fortunately, Leading Edge Aviation-the Bend company that wants to start offering helicopter tours above Crater Lake National Park-doesn’t propose buzzing the
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The sound of a helicopter has never been described as soothing.
The noise output of a helicopter at a distance of 100 feet has been calculated
at 105 decibels-five decibels higher than a jackhammer. 

Fortunately, Leading Edge Aviation-the Bend company that wants to
start offering helicopter tours above Crater Lake National Park-doesn't propose
buzzing the lake at 100 feet; it says its choppers will fly no lower than 1,000
feet.

But the whumpa-whumpa-whumpa of churning rotor blades, whether at 100
feet or 1,000, is not a sound that belongs at Crater Lake, Oregon's only
national park and a place where people go to see natural beauty and experience
(relative) peace and quiet.

Even at 1,000 feet or more, as anybody who's heard one of the Air
Link helicopters zoom overhead can attest, the sound of a helicopter is
impossible to ignore. Travis Warthen, a vice president for Leading Edge, told
The Oregonian that an RV or (in winter) a snowmobile driving along the rim road
would be louder than one of his 650-hp Bell helicopters. Maybe so, but that
seems like a weak excuse to add another element to the noise mix.

Posted inOpinion

Driven to Distraction: Cambridge cops, Shaq snubbed at White House, Justice for Jacko and more!

“You boorish Paddy! Egress my domicile or shall I berate you further?” That’s my take on what Henry Louis Gates Jr. said to
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The
author has been sent on the road to discover a lost country formerly known as
America. He is reporting from a ditch outside your home, thanking streaming
video, you, Stu and the High Desert Animal Hospital that Season One is done, on
assignment for Or-Bust.com and The Source Weekly.

The Curious Case of the Professor and Police
"You boorish Paddy! Egress my domicile or shall I berate
you further?" That's my take on what Henry Louis Gates Jr. said to Cambridge
cops last week. First it was Jacko "dying" and now a Harvard professor getting
arrested for disorderly conduct (charges were dropped within two days).Which
African-American will Obama turn to next in order to distract us from the
health care boondoggle (which no longer includes the words "universal" or
"single-payer")? This curious case-the arrest and health care initiative-only
gets more interesting: The 911 tapes have been released, contradicting
arresting officer Sgt. James Crowley's report that caller Lucia Whalen
mentioned "black" men entering the house and that he spoke with her at the
scene. She didn't, on both counts. Sure Gates probably berated the officers
eloquently after being found in his own home with ID and, yes, Gates is an
insufferable intellectual who feigns interest in common folks' problems on PBS.
But he was the wrong guy to arrest.Boston is hardly a beacon of racial harmony,
pity the next non-Harvard professor found snooping around Cambridge. Makes you
really appreciate living in Central Oregon, don't it? Our cops are pretty cool,
and the only minorities to be found are obese people visiting from Houston. One
final note: To repair race relations, Obama has invited both Sgt. Crowley and
Professor Gates for beer at the White House. How they will laugh and laugh!

Posted inOpinion

The Public 4, GOBs 3

We won’t go so far as to predict that it’s the start of a trend, but the Bend City Council made a startling move last
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We won't go so far as to predict that it's the start of a trend, but the Bend City Council made a startling move last week: It voted for the public interest over the interest of a few well-connected local businessmen.

The issue was a loophole written into the city's transient room tax law six years ago that allowed hoteliers to take a $10-per-person exemption if they offered complimentary breakfasts to guests. There was no rational reason for the exemption; the argument that it made Bend hotels more competitive was patently ridiculous: The "savings" to a guest was, on average, 90 cents a night - if the guest even got it.
The vote to repeal the exemption should have been 7-0. Instead, it was a squeaker - 4-3. Loyally sticking with the handful of good old hotel owners who wanted the exemption were Councilors Oran Teater, Tom Greene and Jeff Eager. Breaking ranks with the GOB faction was Mayor Kathie Eckman, joined by Councilors Jodie Barram, Jim Clinton and Mark Capell.
Teater, Greene and Eager offered a "compromise": Instead of $10 per person, make the breakfast exemption $10 per room. But even at that rate the loophole would have cost the city hundreds of thousands of dollars a year in room tax revenue.

Posted inOpinion

The Popularity Index: Obama chokes, Cronkite croaks and Afghanistan smokes

The author has been sent on the road to discover a lost country formerly known as America. He is reporting from your sister’s bedroom, swearing
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The author has been sent on the road to discover a lost country formerly known as America. He is reporting from your sister's bedroom, swearing he's only there for the air conditioning, on assignment for Or-Bust.com and The Source Weekly.

Popularity Under 60%?…What's a Guy to do?
"If we're able to stop Obama on this, it will be his Waterloo. It will break him." said South Carolina Republican Senator Jim DeMint. Obviously, Obama's push for national health care coverage is receiving ample pushback, but to summon Napoleon's last defeat, then immediately quote Rocky IV? National polls show that only 49% of Americans approve of Obama's handling of the health care initiative, and that his own stellar popularity is also suffering, dipping below 60% for the first time since taking office. Still Obama seems unfazed and focused: "This isn't about me. This isn't about politics. This is about a health care system that is breaking America's families, breaking America's businesses, and breaking America's economy." Dream for a moment of universal health care, folks. Of being able to go into any hospital and receiving treatment. Ahhhh - Feels good, doesn't it? Now imagine being a Senator (from any party, they're all bought and sold) and having millions in re-election bribes (err, donations) from HMOs and doctors and lawyers and big pharma disappearing – Rather unnerving, huh? See why both sides are scared and delaying?

Posted inOpinion

Our Least Appreciated Species of Wildlife

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Public officials and amateur biologists are tracking ominous reports this summer of a frightening invasive species, which has been tentatively named Homo moronicus Central Oregoniensis.

The creature reportedly is elusive and rarely encountered in its natural habitat. However, campers, hikers and others who claim to have observed it in the wild describe it as similar in appearance to Homo Neanderthalensis, except that it's stupider, smells worse and has inferior personal grooming.
While personal contacts with Homo moronicus are, fortunately, rare, evidence of its presence is encountered all too frequently.
Such evidence principally consists of tracks - typically made by oversized 4×4 truck or ATV tires plowing hub-deep through wetlands and other natural areas - and the creature's campsites, which are easily distinguished from human campsites by the presence of numerous empty cans of PBR, Coors, Budweiser and various other malt beverages.

Posted inOpinion

Paying Dues and Shining Shoes: Counting the costs of war, the confirmation circus, brothels and more

The author has been sent on the road to discover a lost country formerly known as America. He is reporting from a crosswalk, telling select
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The author has been sent on the road to discover a lost country formerly known as America. He is reporting from a crosswalk, telling select tourists to run into the street and others to join him for a float, on assignment for Or-Bust.com and The Source Weekly.

1,000,000,000,000
A dubious record was set this week when America's federal deficit reached one trillion dollars. See above for how many zeroes that is-We're busted, folks. Talk of another stimulus package may be silenced as we await the invention of a bigger abacus, and more sucker lenders. Good news: Obama budgeters predict a $1.84 trillion deficit by the end of September, but that it will only be $1.24 trillion by 2010 - Whew! We were getting worried for a minute there! One last feel good note: Our total debt is $11.5 trillion - Over $38,000 per American.

Posted inOpinion

Wyden’s “Health Care Reform” Turkey

For many years, the relationship between organized labor and Ron Wyden has looked like a match made in heaven. Lately, though, labor has been doing
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For many years, the relationship between organized labor and Ron Wyden has looked like a match made in heaven. Lately, though, labor has been doing everything short of throwing the kitchen knives at Oregon's senior senator.

The reason is Wyden's health care plan, which he's calling the "Healthy Americans Act." Unions, such as the American Federation of State, County and Municipal Employees (AFSCME), think Wyden's plan would squander the opportunity to enact meaningful reform of our pathetic health care system.
We agree.
On a website it's put up (stopwydenshealthtax.com), AFSCME calls Wyden's idea a "health tax." That's a rhetorical gimmick, sort of like conservatives calling the estate tax "the death tax." But while Wyden's plan wouldn't literally tax health, it would tax health care benefits. And that – especially in a time of falling wages and rising layoffs – is not the way to go.

Posted inOpinion

Up In Smoke: Satan’s houseguests, Palin’s plans, and more celebrity deathwatch

The author has been sent on the road to discover a lost country formerly known as America. He is reporting from Black Butte, urinating on
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The author has been sent on the road to discover a lost country formerly known as America. He is reporting from Black Butte, urinating on ashes, trying to make a puddle that resembles Jacko, on assignment for Or-Bust.com and The Source Weekly.

Hell Is Getting Crowded
In yet another sign that Satan will have to expand Hades soon, Robert McNamara died on Monday at age 93. The "whiz kid" who JFK invited to destroy a generation of Americans, McNamara oversaw the Vietnam War for both JFK and LBJ, later writing in his autobiography that it was all a mistake. Thanks, Bob. Oh, it gets better - McNamara's resume is guaranteed to impress Beelzebub: Analyzing the efficiency of U.S. firebombing missions in World War II (for which McNamara received rank of Lieutenant Colonel); afterward he joined Ford (his sole qualification being that he read an article on the company in Life magazine - no lie) where he killed the Edsel, tried to terminate the Lincoln line, and championed the forgettable Ford Falcon sedan. As Secretary of Defense from 1961-1968, McNamara increased our "limited warfare" capabilities by drafting teenagers to defend a country they didn't know anything about, under the guise of preventing "the steady erosion of the Free World through limited wars." Seriously, if you want to both understand and be fully baffled by this man, rent "The Fog of War." Dick Cheney may attend McNamara's funeral; if not, no one will.

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