Upfront

Monday, April 11
Of love and war: In an interview with The Daily Beast, Oksana Balinskaya, described as Muammar Qaddafi's former “buxom Ukrainian nurse,” says there was no sex involved in her job: “None of us nurses was ever his lover; the only time we ever touched him was to take his blood pressure.” Uh, okay … Meanwhile, Libyan rebels reject peace plan proposed by the African Union because it wouldn't remove Qaddafi … Of war, war and more war: Swedish think tank reports U.S. military spending is up 81 percent since 2001, to eye-popping total of $698 billion last year. The U.S. accounts forralmost 43 percent of world's military spending … Meanwhile, in a completely unrelated development, Bend-LaPine Schools Superintendent Ron Wilkinson says district must lay off 20 to 22 high school teachers and increase class sizes due to $16 million budget deficit.

Monday, April 4Well, that's comforting: Workers dumping more than 11,000 tons of radioactive water into the ocean in Japan; authorities say it poses no danger … Thought they decided that already: Libyan government spokesman says Muammar Qaddafi is open to holding elections, but only the Libyan people can decide his future, not foreign powers … An offer he can't refuse? Somebody sends US Rep. Peter King (R-NY) a bloody severed pig's foot. King recently held hearings on “The Extent of Radicalization in the American Muslim Community” … What's that proverb about military “justice”? Reversing course, White House says Khalid Sheikh Mohammed, one of alleged masterminds of 9/11, will be tried by military tribunal instead of civilian court … How sweet it is: Former carnival singer Michel “Sweet Mickey” Martelly elected president of Haiti. And how cool is it to have a president named Sweet Mickey?

Monday, March 28
Tough nutcase to crack: Advance of Libyan rebels halted outside Muammar Qaddafi's hometown of Sirte. “The regime still vastly overmatches opposition forces militarily,” says top American commander Gen. Carter F. Ham … It just keeps getting hairier: Heavily contaminated water found leaking from Japan's Fukushima nuke plant; plutonium traces found in soil, radiation detected in rainwater on East Coast of US … Getting high in the Middle East: French daredevil Alain Robert climbs world's tallest skyscraper, the Burj Khalifa in the United Arab Emirates, height 2,717 feet (that's more than two Empire State Buildings) … Been there, done that: As it seems to do every spring, the Oregon Department of Transportation extends studded tire removal deadline. Why not just make it April 15 every year? … Heartbreak for gadget junkies: No new iPhone, iPad or other Mac toys will be unveiled at this year's Apple software conference.

Monday, March 21
Out of the woods? Head of US Nuclear Regulatory Commission says Japanese are “on the verge of stabilizing” wayward reactor as power is restored to two of six units … Fire from the left: Liberal US Rep. Dennis Kucinich (D-OH) says President Obama's decision to intervene in Libya without congressional okay “would appear on its face to be an impeachable offense” … Meanwhile Libyan rebels, helped by US and allied air strikes, advance against Muammar Qaddafi's forces, and Libya releases four New York Times journalists captured six days ago … A break for the jobless: Gov. John Kitzhaber signs bill extending unemployment benefits up to 26 weeks … Speaking of the jobless, sources report CBS thinking about giving Charlie Sheen his old $2 million-per-episode job on “Two and a Half Men” back.

Monday, March 14
Staring into the abyss: Japan fears nuclear disaster as explosion damages reactor and radiation levels rise … Really lousy timing: Aflac fires Gilbert Gottfried as voice of the Aflac duck after he tweets lame jokes like: “Japan is really advanced. They don't go to the beach. The beach comes to them” … Mississippi Gov. Haley Barbour fires aide for joking that Otis Redding's “Dock of the Bay” isn't popular in Japan right now … Royals gotta stick together: Saudi Arabia sends troops into neighboring Bahrain as royal family asks for help to quell uprising … Nothing like an open mind: National Rifle Association boss Wayne LaPierre refuses to meet with President Obama. “Why should I or the NRA go sit down with a group of people that have spent a lifetime trying to destroy the Second Amendment in the United States?” he says … Surprisingly, this did not happen in Arizona: During discussion about shooting feral swine from helicopters, Kansas State Rep. Virgil Peck suggests using same tactic on illegal immigrants. He later says it was a joke. Maybe he should be a writer for Gilbert Gottfried.

Monday, March 7
Peace feelers? “The Wisconsin 14,” Democratic senators who fled state to prevent vote on union-busting bill, say they're willing to talk with Gov. Scott Walker – but won't come home just yet … You gotta problem wit dat? New Jersey's in-your-face Gov. Chris Christie voted most popular politician in America in Quinnipiac Poll, edging President Obama by half a point … Geographical confusion: Sen. John McCain (R-AZ) says iPods and iPhones “are built in the United States of America.” Sorry, John, they're built in China, like everything else … The better part of valor: Marisol Valles, 21-year-old police chief of crime-ravaged Mexican town of Praxedis G. Guerrero, flees to US after getting death threats, is fired … Wages of sin: Sen. John Ensign (R-NV), caught in affair with campaign aide, announces he won't seek re-election. “There are consequences to sin,” he tells reporters.

Monday, Feb. 28
Terminally delusional: Libyan dictator Muammar Qaddafi tells reporters: “All my people love me.

Monday, Feb. 21
Qaddafi on the brink: Regime of dictator Muammar Qaddafi looking shaky as he and aides hunker in presidential palace; foreign oil companies bail out of Libya; deadly attacks against protesters continue … Take that, birthers: Former Arkansas governor and sometime presidential aspirant Mike Huckabee, appearing on ABC's “Good Morning America,” says claims that President Obama wasn't born in the US are “nonsense.” Guess he can write off the loony vote … Where are they now? Former Idaho Sen. Larry Craig (he of the wide men's room stance) is lobbying for a hunters' group that wants to take endangered species protection away from wolves… Former Olympic figure skater and alleged Nancy Kerrigan-whacker Tonya Harding gave birth to a healthy baby boy over the weekend, a friend of the family reveals … And now, Monday's important news: Justin Bieber gets a haircut and Portland firefighters rescue a puppy stuck in a drainpipe.

Monday, Feb. 14
The Middle East ablaze: Iranian government uses force to quell protests … Pluto's replacement? Two scientists at the University of Louisiana think they've found a ninth planet in our solar system that's four times bigger than Jupiter. Maybe they'll call it “Goofy” … Bieber Fever! In an apparent act of revenge after their downy-cheeked demigod was upset by jazz bassist-singer-composer Esperanza Spalding for “Best New Artist” at the Grammies, Justin Bieber fans hack Spalding's Wikipedia page. Nasty exchanges between Bieberites and anti-Bieberites go on for 13 minutes before Wikipedia editors lock the page … Fevered Beavers! After Oregon State University says no, students raise $4,000 on their own to pay for self-styled feminist pornographer Tristan Taormino to speak on “Claiming Your Sexual Power”… Please sir, may I have another: President Obama unveils budget that cuts programs for middle-class and poor people. Republicans (big surprise here) say it doesn't cut deep enough.
Tuesday, Feb. 15
Mini-Snowpocalypse! Sneaky snowstorm dumps a foot or so of concrete-like glop on Bend; downed trees and power outages ensue … Storm dusts higher elevations of Portland; panic ensues … Who could have guessed: Jailed Ponzi schemer Bernie Madoff, in first prison interview, says banks and investors he worked with “had to know” his activities were not exactly kosher. “But the attitude was sort of, 'If you're doing something wrong, we don't want to know'” … Who could have guessed, cont.: Rafid Ahnmed Alwan al-Janabi, code name “Curveball,” admits he made up stories about scary weapons of mass destruction that the Bush administration used to justify invading Iraq … Another Middle East flare-up: Thousands swarm into streets of Bahrain to

Monday, Feb. 7
Bloody Cairo: At least 297 people have been killed in Egypt's anti-government uprising, according to Human Rights Watch … Must've been a slow news day: Glenn Beck rips into Super Bowl players for not standing with their hands over their hearts when Christina Aguilera sang the National Anthem. This reporter had both hands over his ears … More scary Mayan Calendar stuff: Reported shark attacks worldwide were up 25% in 2010; shark expert calls it “hugely unusual” … Getting off easy: Prosecutors say no charges will be filed against Lindsay Lohan for allegedly swiping a $2,500 necklace from a jewelry store.